Melancholy's hand-writing
2018-October-20
a short essay about my drawing, written by myself, share with you here, i like cross-hatching a lot, basically because it kind of "breathing", as you build up, layers + layers, and what if there is no "terminator", and what if you feel like the contour is turning backward, and then realize everywhere is important, there is no beginning + ending, of a form, if a object is hit by light, easier to see, but, what if, a knee and shine-bone completely in shadow, and be wrapped around by complicated drapery, everything very subtle + blurry, as well as the texture of linen canvas, what you do? one can not make a great drawing without paying great care to details, true, cross-hatching kind of giving me the kind of feeling that the drawing is breathing, in a very tenderly breathing way, almost imperceptible, it's a very very beautiful experience of doing it actually, need a little bit patience maybe, but it could be done, while i am doing this master-copy from Leonardo, i learn a lot, kind of difficult to tell yet, since i haven't finished it yet, honestly, i do not know how he made it, it's just my guessing what he mean, in my way, it tamed me, and humbled me, and encouraged me, in a amazing way, even prevent my rage somehow, someday when i got really mad by some reason, and i look at his drawing, i calmed down feel so calm, and i told myself that, i should try my best to draw as well as him, so, someday, when people look at my work, they can find some piece + sooth in it, that would be neat, so far so good, wish, what if some of my tutors would give me a hint about this work when i was in high-school.... i would try my best to finish my self-teaching process by just learning this piece, i'm a slow learner, but by the time i finish my study, probably would write a essay, to communicate with you, around this Christmas Day "Demo" would be done by then, which i should never took a break, kind of be interrupted by some reason... friends are welcome to email me what you think, or find me on Facebook, same name.
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2018.11.12
Hao: Do you find drawing difficult?
Xiong Xuan (Melancholy) : Difficult… It’s a hard question to answer actually. Because of course at the beginning, it was very very difficult. Especially when you know nothing about drawing: perspectives, lines, space, proportion, everything you got to learn. At that point, it’s really really difficult. And your teachers, art books, classmates become so crucial learning factors for you. And then you developed, further developed, thinking and rethinking, and adopt everything you learn, you come to another difficult terrace on a higher level where you start building of yourself. Then you kind of released, you kind of feel the freedom, you feel you have no difficulty any more. Then you start do your own work, kind of your own creative, very personal, and very unique work. And then you found the difficult come back to you. Then you rethink about it, what is it? I thought I have conquered all the difficulty, but why is it still there? Then you realize that’s just a fundamental training like a student start, like a cube drawing, or sketches of bicycles, anything. So you start become very humble, very hard-working again. You appreciate your teachers, whoever taught you, whoever giving you to help you to learn. So it is a difficult thing, if you want to get to you own path, and you want to find your answers to your heart. It is difficult, the most difficult thing ever, but I think it’s blessed. If you draw and you really like drawing, if you like it’s the most beautiful thing ever, so I appreciate the difficulties. That’s it.
Continue that question. Yes, I think so, honestly. It’s not easy. I was thinking about some of teachers of mine in my growing process who taught me, either contemporary or representational artists, or some famous artists in the art history, I just recall some names. For example, there is one, a lot of people love him, there is Vincent Van Gogh, at the beginning of his studying. He appreciate Millet a lot. His drawing, his painting, a lot, and he copied his work. I do not think that is imitating artist, or imitating behavior. I think I used to read his letter to dear Theo, his dear brother Theo, and they were talking about Millet’s work, how moving and the depth of drawing, and something noble, and very kind of humanity, especially his drawing about his wife and his little kids in a warm farmer’s yard, very warm afternoon with sunshine with some apple trees. You feel the warmth of the practice, you feel how Millet feels about his life. And Vincent Van Gogh was moved a lot and he copied his work, very hard. Sometimes he copied one work several times to learn it to understand it. But if you put their works together, they are never the same. Because it’s impossible to be the same as the original one, right? Because you are different people, after all. You birth, grow up, in different countries, different times, different life experiences understanding about everything different. But learning is great effort, endeavor, no matter how well you do, it’s a different matter. But your attitude, if you are eager with it, if you really appreciate it the sincerity of Millet’s work, I think Van Gogh did. And when I looked at Millet’s work, and I look at Van Gogh’s work, and I understood the meaning of learning from masters. The master in your heart is your hero. There is another famous draftsman, his name is Degas. He is highly respected. Me too. I respect him a lot. His ballerinas drawings mix with so well. So beautiful, so sparkling beautiful ballerinas drawings sketches. And he appreciate some older draftsman in art history also. So there is a connection. There is a red line coming from the ancient time from the Renaissance period, and then later on a lot of draftsman, a lot of predecessors, a lot of teachers, keep giving and passing on the beautiful thing in drawing and trying to help their students to solve the difficulties in drawing, but it never ending, because new drawings never ending and students they always have their own answers, they always listen to what you say, try to understand, and then later on they have their own comprehensions. I think that’s really great, and to myself, I am thirty-three years old right now, I studied drawing for a while. I had so much difficulties and a lot of teachers helped me on different levels and aspects. And I would appreciate my teacher when I am studying in the New York Art Student League and PAFA, his name is Mr. Michael Grimaldi. I copied his work twice when I was a student. After I left school, his work was my inspirations for a very long time. He is a very good draftsman, great one I think. I appreciate that, and then I try to figure out my own drawing language, kind of if you compare my drawing language with my teacher, this one, and some other ones, they are different but there are connections. I think that’s appreciation of solving difficulties. If you think about drawing from the material aspect, especially when you compare it with paining and sculpture, printmaking, etching, other forms of art, you will see it’s more abstract even, I can say. Because it’s a visual illusion. For example if you are doing a realistic or representational drawing, let’s say traditional drawing, it’s easier to think from examples, you need to make a space on a piece of paper, and it’s absolutely visual illusions, right? It’s flat, but you want to make it deeper space. It’s like a room, a cube, but you do not have colors, like paintings, use colors to show the mood so everything becomes more pure, drawing difficulties. Especially if you start from line drawings to build the big structures of this architecture, if a drawing is a building, an architecture, and you, you are the designer, and you are the only builder to finish the project from the beginning to the end, from the big design to every single detail, everything is your own hand-made work, so absolutely, it’s very very difficult. Sometimes, I draw with models. I go to the mall, I go to subway stations, I observe people as my models, the curves of their hairs, their skin, their eyes, the shape of their shoulders as they are walking. It seems like a vivid drawing for me. And when I come back to my studio right now like I am working on this piece, named “Demo”, short for the word, “Demonstration”, there are not enough models for me right now, but I have found some beautiful photos, really really connected with this theme with this main practice of this drawing, and I learnt a lot. And I found photo, especially black and white photos, it’s even more beautiful, a lot more beautiful than drawing even than the most beautiful drawing I ever see couldn’t compare with a photo. Why is that? I question myself. Maybe because it’s more tender and more gentle and the details expression level shocked me. But absolutely you cannot just copy a model if you neve see. You cannot just copy a photo if you never practiced life model in drawing classroom. You will get lost absolutely. So I question myself, ask myself, what’s the difference between a photo and a life-drawing model, what are you trying to do, and I tell myself that everything is mixed together when I look at the photo. I a lot of times recalled life drawing models, I recall some of the best, some of the most beautiful drawings I restored in my mind, So it’s a hard question to call which one is better, photo is better, or drawing is better, I think there is no need to try to separate the two things because they are a kind of families together. I question myself, if I am drawing after photo, instead of real models in front of my eyes, should I completely faithful to the photo, or should I be recreative sometimes. But honestly, I get lost in the illusion of the light and shadow very often, and I feel beautiful when very beautiful when I feel totally in it when without any disturbance without any distractions. You feel the total the entire engagement you have with your drawing. Sometimes feel like I am a seagull. I feel like a seagull flying, the sea underneath, feel like no pressure, so careless and freedom when I drawing, only sometimes. But it’s beautiful for me. My drawing, I hope someday people will appreciate it, looks at drawing as a different genre, not as preparation for paintings or preparation for sculptures. That people oneday will appreciate drawing as a completely different genre, like an independent genre, like paintings, sculptures. I look through my art history book, I couldn’t find enough draftsman, as the same amount of painters and sculptures and I couldn’t understand why. Right now I am using this pencil, this mechanical pencil. Because it helps me to save some time, to sharpen the pencil all the time. Save a lot of time actually, but it’s not easy to control, because it requires some patience and need some time to practice until you could totally control it. But it’s meaningful for me. Because I feel very peaceful. Back to the question, is drawing difficult, I think so. After I learn the basic, fundamental techniques, I question myself, what I ought to draw. It’s my own way, my own path, and I gradually find it, and build up my own path. I do not know how long, how far I can go, but I would like to try my best, to keep going. Thank you for your question.
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2018.11.15
Hao: Suppose you have an idea before you start drawing, do you change ideas when you draw?
Xiong Xuan (Melancholy): Most of the times I think about drawing very long time before I pick up my pencil. Right now I am doing this one, but I have several ideas in my mind over and over again. Some of them really want to come out. I mean, really want to be actually drawn on the paper. I think about the big design of the picture, the idea, also composition, the gesture of the figures, the distance and relationship between the figures, and some details. I think about very detailed pictures in my mind so it goes over and over again in my mind before I actually do the action. So, it’s beneficial because I have a lot more self-confidence when I actually draw it, and rarely change location or rarely make big mistakes because I am already kind of very mature when I actually draw it. But there is a hazard in it also, like everything has benefits and hazards simultaneously. Because if you think about something, let’s say idea about a drawing in your mind, for many times, you may lose the intensity, and the interest, the fresh eyes, to feel it. But it’s practice. I take my drawing right now as practice. I try to make a drawing to be sufficient enough, no matter how long it takes. Usually it takes a month or more than that. For example this one it’s going on for six months already right now, and it’s still not sufficient yet. Someone can draw very fast. Maybe because that person practiced a lot before he can do that in a short time. But I am a slow learner, and I know my drawing requires a lot of patience, a considerable amount of patience. And that’s not easy, especially when I am sleepy, or I am hungry, or I am in a bad mood, I may draw badly. I’ll have to take a break, drink some water, something like that. But it’s always good to have several ideas going on in my mind while I am drawing this one. Because it kind of cross in my mind. Sometimes when I finish this one, I may drop some ideas and pick up one. I may have a new idea and put down all the others. And all the others seem like, oh, what a pity, but really if you consider time the most precious thing in the world, it’s pitiful not to draw that one or to do this one if there’s really indifferent which one is better. Sometimes I feel sorry to my drawings, especially some abandoned ones, unfinished ones. Not abandoned, I never throw them away, but I lost interest or for some reasons be disturbed. I just started the contours, not rendered the shadows yet. That’s kind of ideas in my mind also, remind me oh I am here, I am still not finished yet, kind of like that. I think it’s almost like attachment. How to say, you cannot say you have attachment to your drawing, but I kind of feel like a lot more from my drawing than from human being, even close friends or family or friends, artist. They cannot give what my drawing can offer to me. So sometimes I enjoy listening to music or looking through photos, photographies, and get a lot of new ideas. But they are like a stream, a very clear stream of ideas passing on flow of water running through my mind and gone. A lot of them. It’s totally all right, it’s just a passage of time. What do you think? (Hao: what do I think? I do not draw. But it’s very precious to have some ideas and to create something) Sometimes, ideas are you own and original, right? Sometimes you get inspired from someone else, or someone’s work. It’s hard to say it’s yours or his or hers. But I think about it this way. For example, bible stories, right? It’s for everyone who read it. You can draw pictures about it. So it’s OK. If I have ideas, similar as someone else, looks the same, it’s all right, right? Like the bible stories, so many artist draw (Hao: every idea must come from some life experience, every idea must be inspired by some other ideas). Even though the same ideas I tell you, I want to draw this, and I give you my pencil, you may make a very different result, right? So it’s totally OK.
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2018.11.16
Hao: Can you talk about the pencil you use for drawing?
Xiong Xuan (Melancholy): Yes. This is a mechanical pencil. I use it for drawing for two reasons. Obviously it’s easier to use. It saves you a lot of time to sharpen the pencil, right? And the leads, it’s very reliable, all the same. You don’t need to worry about them. And the second reason is that because I like etching a lot. You know, when you do etching, you don’t use pencil or brush, you use a needle to scratch on a copper panel, right? So, this is very similar, like etching needle. But the difference is, when you are doing etching, you put your pen in the acid, and the ink is really dark. It could be gray, or a lot subtle, the process is a lot more complicated. But for me, I think the pencil is just simpler, easier for me to control actually. Not I control the pencil, a lot of times I feel like the pencil controls me. It feels like the pencil almost has a personality of its own. If the pencil wants to be good, it looks a lot better. The way I draw is like cross-hatching, but not in one way, I do it horizontally, vertically, and diagonally, cross-hatching, you know. But it’s not my original method. If you look at Renaissance period drawings, you will see people do cross-hatching long ago. And if you look at etching, you look at Degas’ self-portrait, etching, you see cross-hatching there. If you look at Leonardo Da Vinci, Michelangelo, you see cross-hatching a lot. So it’s not my own original language. I admire them a lot, and I try to learn how they render things. Of course, I have my own understandings, and the way I feel, I perceive, and my personal expression. So, mechanical pencil gives me a more convenient way to draw in etching’s way, but it’s more subtle. You can control it not too dark, and the way I build up is quite simple. At the beginning, very very light, very very gentle, and gradually build up, make it darker and darker, until sufficient, the dark is dark I need. But the problem is, the pencil lead is kind of reflective. If you would turn to that, to the drawing in that corner, Andrew Wyeth’s portrait, the movie director’s portrait, right? It’s kind of reflective. The pencil lead is reflective, different from charcoal. And it’s not very easy, so some friends ask me why do not use normal pencil? I think it’s easy to start with normal pencil. When I was an art student, when I started my studying, I started it with a normal pencil, sharpen it all the time, B, HB, 4B, 2H, or the darkest one was 9B at that time. It’s very important to consider the light and shadow effect, the terminator where the edge turns. That’s more important than paying attention to the pencil leads, more important to pay attention to this little detail. It’s more crucial to notice where the light and shadow cross and change direction. So if you just pay attention to this mechanical pencil, you get lost. Because it’s very tricky. It’s very tricky and hard. But it’s very meaningful. I like it a lot. What I want to see with mechanical pencil, because I observe a still life, I observe the light on a model’s face, on his or hers hairs, the light is so gentle, very very gentle and tender, it changes a tiny bit and tiny bit, so I want to be honest to that, not to change dramatically, except you use an artificial light bomb, not natural light. Even if you use a light like this, you will still see the change is very very subtle. I like it, and want to express it, but I know I am so limited, and I know my cross-hatching skills is not perfect yet. Especially when this group connecting with the next group of cross-hatching lines, sometimes it looks like a nail. The nail has a beginning point and a tail. It is not straight or did not connect well. It takes some time to practice and it’s very easy to get lost. What I am doing are get lost of the whole visual effect, the entire picture. So I recommend friends, art lovers, or beginner, art lovers, who are interested of the way I am drawing, to do some fundamental training first, like you can start with a cube, put a cube under light. You can draw a triangle shape, a ball, to do that first, until you can render the form very well, and do figure drawings. Not to pay attention to the mechanical pencil yet. After you have the ability to render the object a lot better, you can try the 0.7 mechanical pencil, to get use to it, and then you can try 0.5, 0.2, 0.3. I even find a 0.2 mechanical pencil, that’s from Amazon. If you search Japanese cartoon mechanical pencil, Japanese animation mechanical pencil, you will find wonderful tools. Because they are very good at drawing animations, so they are professional pencil makers. And another reason I like mechanical pencil because I do not like to use erasers much. Erasers of course can become a white pencil, you build up something, and then you put light on it. But I build up the light and shadow effect gradually, very very slow. I make the light come out gradually by itself, by contrast, by contrasting the background to make the background a lot darker. For example, you see there is a relief on the wall, you see the picture on the wall, right, or this little note, it didn’t look that white at the beginning. It looks grey like this, and gradually they will look very white and come out. But it takes time.
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2018.11.20
Hao: How do you decide the composition of the drawing?
Xiong Xuan (Melancholy): Composition of the drawing, I usually have an idea, in my mind first, and the idea hovers around over and over again, until it’s mature to think about the composition. And I do not think about the composition first. I consider the factors more important, the element in the drawing. And I consider the relationships between the different elements, or rather say, the space and perspective in between. Gradually, the composition is there. For example, this drawing, the main actor, the teacher here, is demonstrating. It’s demo for figure drawing class, and there are some students sitting around, watching the teacher’s work. So it comes out as a group, a small group of people, naturally, and then I look back, there are more people sitting far away, in the behind, against the door. So that’s a second group, a little bit far away from the center of the stage. So it comes out gradually by itself, I didn’t have a very clear compositional idea at the beginning stage. But I do make draft like a simple draft to write down my idea, and then I collect information about this element. For example, if I want a little girl student there, I will try to find a beautiful model. If I do not have a model’s face in my mind at all, I just google images, I use some similar figures as that little girl in the picture. Or, there are some elder art lovers, art students there. For the audience, they are empty nesters. So they do not know who they are at all, so I put some artists’ face there. For example, Andrew Wyeth, Andrew Wyeth is there, Antonio Lopez Garcia is there, and director Werner Herzog is there also, as the teacher’s audience. They are part of his knowledge, what I learn from him, part of his knowledge part, what he appreciates the director’s works or he appreciate Andrew Wyeth’s works, he appreciate Antonio Lopez Garcia’s works very much sincerely. At least at the moment I was in the classroom when I was looking at his demo. I, sometimes the thoughts cross my mind not my thoughts, just knowledge, what I learn from this teacher, what he giving to me. Not only to me, but to all of his students, because he was teaching other students also. As I was listening, I was trying to understand and trying to comprehend. So all of this are part of composition, not only the location of the elements, I mean, not only the sitting position of the main actor or of the audience, of the students, but also including their psychological situation, what they are thinking about, how they feel when they are sitting in his classroom. I mean, the atmosphere is part of the composition also. If you look at each character in the drawing, you may kind of feel how they are feeling about it. Some are easier, like Andrew Wyeth’s facial expression, kind of saying, en, is that real? I kind of have a different idea, can we talk about it. Or the director’s facial expression is kind of, heh, this artist interesting, I want to make a film about him. Or the little girl is very silly kind of admire the hero a lot. And there is a manikin sitting in the back, he is sitting like Rodin’s sculpture, kind of lost in his or her own mind, unaccountable and unexpressible, kind of situation of his mind. Or there is young woman, she is holding a baby, she is not a real person in that classroom. Actually, the original character was a classmate of mine years ago. I remembered her image, so I try to put her image there because she got pregnant while studying in our classroom. She got a baby in her belly during the studying process. Her husband was a mechanical worker, architectural mechanical worker, very nice man, with beard and with a white T-shirt. I saw them once, and sweet couple. I put her image there. Actually she has nothing to do with the classroom, with this teacher’s demo at all, but I think it’s beautiful to put her there. So it’s part of the composition. Also, if you look the background, it’s the classroom, the classroom where the demo is going on, the easels, the chairs, some square tables, the lights, and if you are looking at the background, pictures and relief, sculpture on the wall, everything kind of passage of time, bring you back to that moment, that’s what you feel about your drawing, all part of the composition. When I say, what you feel about the drawing, including the audience, how they feel, not only the artist who made it, but also people who look at your work, they like it, or they don’t like it. Why they like it, or they do not feel much about it, or what make them angry, that’s all part of the work. And one little interesting about this question is, when you say “composition”, the first idea that jumps into my mind is music, it’s how to compose music. Sometimes when I listen my favorite songs, favorite music, I kind of picture, have a picture in my mind. I would very curious, the composer, the musician, what he or she was thinking, what image was in his or her mind when the work is growing. That’s pretty much what I have in my mind right now. It’s a good question, thank you.
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2018.11.22
Hao: Why do you like Da Vinci’s drawing?
Xiong Xuan (Melancholy): Why I like his drawing… Since I was in my childhood, I knew he was a great artist, probably the first great artist. I have saw artbooks and after about twenty years, I saw him again. I mean, I noticed his work again. Not notice, I saw his works a lot of times, a lot earlier of course. His works started talking to me, kind of talking to me when I am over thirty-three, over thirty-two years old, started teaching me how to draw. Before that, on fundamental trainings, on different levels, I got help from a lot of people, a lot of people, a lot of artbooks, a lot of photographies, I lot of scenes in realities, just some normal people, what they do, or still lives, or this apartment, the corner, or small stuff, I look at all these things and everything teaches me how to draw. But Leonardo Da Vinci, his work fascinated me, of course since I started master-copy of his drawing, his works started to kind of talking to me, it sounds crazy, but sometimes a drawing can talk to you, like a friend, almost, but not like a friend, of course, I was totally shocked by the beauty of his work, especially this work, this drawing. Could you show that please? I am fascinated, I am shocked by the beauty of this work, the peaceful mood, soothing, peaceful mood really touched me. And I suddenly realized that that was what I am looking for in a drawing, a direction I would like to go further, further that direction. Something, find art, no matter what the art material, the content, or the way you render it, everything is more irrelevant of the realistic life, because if you look at reality, there are so many difficulties. It’s full of difficulties and things you would try your best to avoid. But they are there, and you need to kind of tell yourself back to drawing, that’s the world it is in my life. And Leonardo Da Vinci, of course, is a dream, is legendary, is magical imagination, impossibly beautiful artwork for me, and for all of artists, I guess, not all of them, a lot of them, admire this great artist. While I am starting this copy, I learned a lot, mainly I see I own limitation, what I can, what I cannot, what I want to see in my drawing. I see a path, my personal path. Of course, it’s different from the way he rendered it, or it is different from any of my past teacher ever showed me. It’s my own way, like we talked about last time, like cross-hatching in an etching way, but I would like to depict the smooth light effect, like from light to shadow, from the lightest light to the darkest dark, the tender gradation, it’s the most beautiful thing I ever observed in the reality world. And I noticed that the changing speed of the light is very subtle and slow, kind of, if you observe an object, this little arm, this little hand, carefully, the volume changes gradually, very tenderly, so while I render the volume, the depth of the little hand, I tried to show the light is turning around. It’s almost like there is a space as if your hand can go underneath this little hand and hold it. So it’s more honest, but it’s more difficult because I am trying to show not only this hand, but also the space behind it, and the space between this little face, this little hand, the little nose, the space, the perspective, something far away, something I try to draw correctly, especially the part I couldn’t see or especially somewhere far away, seems not important, but really really important, all the same, as the main actor in this area. And Leonardo, of course, he is a great genius, artist, right? I couldn’t tell the difference of genius, talented, gifted, I simply take all these words as encouragement when some people say that to me. I just think that’s encouragement and say thank you and keep drawing. But he, I like him also because his imagination. When he imagines something, he dared to think, oh, it’s possible. A lot of people never really think about it, and he thinks about it, and he draws a draft, a cartoon, for example, he designed airplane, I guess he was the first one to draw the cartoon of an airplane, and many many years later, human being really manufactured iron carrying so many people flying in the sky. I look through all his works through the artist’s life, not too may actually, but a lot of them just so beautiful, so wonderful, amazing art pieces. And I noticed the location, the place, the places where he lived, how they changed the artist’s work, and the creation process of the work. For example, before he moved to Milan, he was drawing something else, painting something else, and then after he moved to Milan, he did the last supper, the great piece, the last supper which lasted 10 years. And so I am trying to say, a place means something new, especially means patron, people support him, so he could get support and get opportunity and survived. That’s very harsh in today’s society, actually, because it seems like every kind of art could have the right to exist, but if you look most of the art schools and galleries, most of them are modern art, abstract art, installation art, video art, movie, advertising, public art, all kinds of fancy, beautiful, representation of the life of modern people, but I kind of lost, but when I look at Leonardo Da Vinci’s work, I kind of feel like I found my home, this is what I want, this is the direction I would like to go further, to see how far I can go. And when I got angry, by whatever reason, this piece tells me to be quiet. Not always works, but a lot of times it helped me calm down. It tamed me, it tamed me, make me humble, make me get rid of my unnecessary rage or proud, too much proud sometimes, harmful to my artwork.
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2018.12.3
Hao: Can you talk about color pencil?
Xiong Xuan (Melancholy): Color pencil is beautiful and interesting. I used to think color pencil is for children. And I like it a lot. All the colors are so beautiful, and then I think maybe I can use it in my drawing, especially when on toned paper. I used to wonder on how to draw on toned paper with chalk or brown-colored chalk, but it’s too difficult to me, because it’s difficult to control, because the eraser couldn’t erase everything you want to change. So I tried to use pencil instead of charcoal. And color pencil for me is like toned paper, but it is not completely a toned paper, because on a toned paper you need to use white chalk, or white pen, or white material to show the light, and the light is added on top of the beneath underpainting kind of thing. It’s different from my opinion about how I understand light. I think it’s very gentle, and it needs to be built up slightly, gently, a little bit by a little bit. So, when I draw with color pencil, I leave the space to be bright. For example, the light on the forehead, or the light on the nose, on the cheek, on the chin, the places on the faces where the light is, I leave the paper to be white, the whiteness of the paper by itself, then I will use color pencil to build up the grey colors. Certainly it’s not grey, if you draw a portrait. Because pencil may look like the color of the hair, the brown, orange, hair. Or maybe it looks warm, like the temperature of the skin, so color pencil works not only as a toned paper, it also helps me to show the texture and temperature of the object I am depicting. Also it’s wonderful because it’s similar to a normal pencil almost. Because you can erase it if you do not draw it very very hardly, you can erase it very gently, and it merges very well with pencil. But the problem is, both color pencil and normal pencil, they are reflective, so when you want to reach the darkest dark places, you need it very very dark, but the material is reflective, so it’s not like charcoal, which can be super dark, but not reflective. So actually I am looking for a tool, it can work like a color pencil, so it has color, but it also can be dark enough, like 9B pencil, but it must not be reflective. Sometime I work so hard to find the visual illusion I want to see, but it ends up the pencil is reflective. It disappoints me a little bit. So drawing kind of becomes an experiment, but it’s good to know because any material you want to master that technique, you need a lot of practice, do a lot of experiment to see the characters, how to use it. Color pencil I think is very very beautiful for children to do color books, little animals, flowers, that’s beautiful. But for me, I think the way I am using color pencil on this drawing if you can show down, show that part, I use it as a mono-underpainting actually. Because it’s not like you use several color pencils, like one, or maybe two, maybe orange and brown, they are like family colors, they are very close and they build up a little bit by a little bit by a little bit by a little bit, and I like it. Maybe I’ll use two different colors to work later now. Actually, I already have a beautiful idea in my mind calling me to do it. Later on, I’ll do it, do another experiment with pink and green on toned paper. I am not sure how to do it yet, just imagine how beautiful it would be like. I was doing a mastercopy last month, to study a drawing technique, and I realize that the drawing is not only black and white, it could have color. And when I do experiments with color pencil and pencil to be together, they mix together so well, it work together so well. And while the orange color pencil is warm, and gentle, my mechanical pencil, my normal pencil, it looks like colder, so there is a hue, warmer and colder, and they work together so well. So color pencil is not like a perfect children’s drawing tool, it could be for anyone who like it, do experiment. I used to see a color pencil group artist. Their works are beautiful. I remember one person’s work, she draws a leaf, an autumn leaf, a yellowish orange leaf so beautiful. She draws all the little veins, all the little changes of the color of the leaf so beautiful but I wish my drawing be a little bit more flat. I hope it’s a lot more flat, not to show the texture of the color pencil itself, I hope when someone looks at my work, he or she can forget it’s color pencil. I wish they could feel the drawing more than the material, I would like they feel if I am drawing this fabric, I wish they could feel like it’s a pinky cloud, like sunset cloud, beautiful cloud, but not to pay attention to the material as that. Maybe later on. Actually the reason I use color pencil because I was still fascinated about watercolor and pencil together. Because I want to make a colorful drawing. So I used to make underpainting with watercolors, make the color very thin, put a lot of water in it, make it really really thin and watery, and then use pencil to build up the light and shadow effect. It looks wonderful, but the problem is that the contour is too clear and it’s not easy to erase it. Actually it’s almost impossible to erase a colored place. So I maybe I can try color pencil, and so it works out, and it looks really good. But I know it’s a long road to go. I can see a space, I can see a huge space in this material. How to use it, how to draw it, to make a wonderful drawing. It’s hard to see it’s drawing a painting. Because if you say drawing, normally people think about it as a black and white drawing, but not really. When you look back earlier works, earlier drawings, people use brown and orange toned pencil to work. So it’s not my original creation. It’s not my beginning. I happened to think about it and happened to experiment, to explore how to use it. So I do appreciate the predecessor who tried this material, and I do appreciate this, you see this 0.5 color pencil, I do appreciate people who invent this mechanical color pencil leads, so it could be so precise and save a lot of time to sharpen the pencil. And it’s very stable and very reliable. It’s wonderful, so it’s the technique helps drawing become more creative and more personal. And again, the way I do my drawing I used to tell you that it’s cross-hatching, right? And when I use color pencil to do the work, it looks like a colorful etching for me, so gentle. But it depends, if I am sleepy or very tired, I may do very badly. There is no way to escape that actually. When I come back and look at the work and sometimes feel so ashamed and so embarrassed. But I tell myself, keep going. After two layers or three layers of cross-hatching you may not look at that place anymore. That’s true, but it will stay with you if you do badly in a drawing some part. You tell you it’s not honest, not good enough. No matter what the adjustment, the drawing has its own will and it goes beyond you. It goes somewhere you cannot control. So probably because I still need more practice until I can conquer all the difficulties in drawing, including some future ideas, I will like try to see how it looks. That’s pretty much what I have about color pencil in my mind. That’s a good question.
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2018.12.8
Hao: Can you talk about what you have learned from doing this mastercopy?
Xiong Xuan Melancholy: What I have learned from doing this mastercopy from grand artist Leonardo Da Vinci. It’s a great question. Actually it’s part of my self-teaching process. So after I left school, I realized that I need to figure out my own path of drawing. And I need to get out of the shadows of all my previous teachers and find out my own path. And I looked through the pictures in my art history book. And this drawing from Leonardo really fascinated me a lot. I couldn’t figure out why. I know I love it, but do not understand why I love it. So a very simple way to find out the reason is to make a copy of it. When you are looking at a drawing, you look at it for maybe ten minutes, right. And it’s a lot of time for looking at a drawing. But if you actually copy the drawing every single line, every little variation of light and shadow, you actually observe the drawing very very carefully, every single detail from the design to the final visual effect. And during the process, you learn so much how to draw. This drawing is a silent teacher for me. The drawing, of course, cannot talk, right? But I kind of try to talk with the artist in my mind, what you mean this line here? For example, there are some lines he didn’t erase, probably because he used the charcoal and chalk on a toned paper, so I try to ask myself which one is the best line he was trying to fix the problem? For example, the contour of the arm, he try to find the best position of the line, and he changed several times, so I wonder if he had a perfect eraser, or he had enough time, would he erase the wrong lines, and leave only the perfect contour of the arm. I guess probably he will, but the drawing sometimes look so perfect, sometimes look like not finished yet, especially under the knees, the lower legs, the feet, I can see his potential there is a huge space what he wants to do but didn’t finish yet. Or probably, that’s what he mean to make it look like sketches under the knees, but I do not think so. Why? Because when I look at his painting, for example, that one, could you show that one please? That painting was made similar like this one, similar period of time. So he was a perfect artist, and he wants to achieve a perfect level of artwork, including his drawing. So I guess if nobody disturbs him, nobody disturbs the working process of this drawing, he probably would finish the entire drawing on the same level as the heads, I mean the portraits, the best part of the picture. So when I am trying to do this copy, I am trying to think what he didn’t say, what he means. And I try to be as faithful as possible, as honest as possible, but always, it’s easier to say but difficult to do. You think you can understand what he mean, but actually when you copy it, you know how difficult it is, and I still have questions in my mind, because I use different material as he did. He used pencil, charcoal and toned paper and yellow ochre color on it. That’s not my range. I use pencil, mechanical pencil, and color pencil to try to feel it. So there’s the difference. But it’s all the same for me for now. So I’ll continue doing copies for this drawing until I finish my self-teaching process, until I could understand how to draw human beings, four or five people as a group. How to draw them like sculpture, how to show the warm skin texture and temperature of this figure. And relationship between these people in this beautiful work. I think by doing the copy, it teaches me to be very very humble, and very very tamed and I see my limitation, and I see my ambition, not ambition actually, it’s honesty, because when you are eager with this drawing, you want to make it the best you can, not to compete with this artist, you want to see how far you can go with drawing, you want to see oh, that’s so beautiful, can I draw like that? I imagine one day I can draw that, so beautiful. You will think like that, and you will try your best, and I think that’s the best thing in copying the work. Not to sell, not to for sale, not to compete, but to figure out the reason and you will make great progress while doing this work. And I really hope someday I could have a quiet studio and do this work again. Very very quiet, nobody disturbs the working process. And I’ll do the copy again from beginning to end. And hopefully you could help me record it the entire working process to be a contribution to later art lovers.
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2018.12.10
Hao: Can you talk about this drapery drawing?
Xiong Xuan Melancholy: The name was orange orange. Basically because the drawing was made by orange color pencil. It’s one of the series of drapery I was studying. There are other pieces, named after fruits, like green lemon, peach, strawberry or blackberry, purple grey. So, it’s a series of drapery study, and it’s an experiment of color pencil. I like this one a lot. Basically because the color is very very warm and beautiful, like an orange. But I changed the name to be Zhi Zi. Zhi Zi is a new art name of mine. Not new, it’s the first time I use it in my work. And this one was named after Zhi Zi, which means it’s a new start for me. Not completely new, because I started half a year ago. I didn’t finish it because I was short of orange color pencil lead. I was short of orange color pencil at the time I was doing this one. And I waited, waited, and the delivery was late. And I was very anxious, so I started another piece, which was going on simultaneously with this one, like two or three pieces going on simultaneously together. And I studied another one. I continued the other one, and until that was finished I stated another one. And this was was delayed over and over again. And just last week I finished my mastercopy, my second time mastercopy after the great artist Leonardo. And I think I want to try something colorful. Because that one was basically black and white, but I used orange color pencil to be the underpainting, underneath the illusion of lights and shadows. It’s really nice because the orange color pencil gave you a tone, so there is a temperature, there is an atmosphere before you are actually doing the shadows. And I had some difficulties because color pencil is kind of glassy. It’s not reflective but if you draw cross-hatching with color pencil by seven times, or eight times, it become glassy. So after that, you think the underpainting is perfect now, it’s time to do the shadow with regular pencil, but the pencil couldn’t put it on, it couldn’t stay, because the color pencil already made the paper glassy. That was a new discovery for me. I never thought about that. What I thought was to make it perfect foundation for the pencil work, but actually when I do that, I realize that the limitation of color pencil is that it’s glassy. The material difficult part. So I remember this for this drapery study, with orange color pencil experiment. So I do it again. So this time I won’t use the color pencil to the extremity. I won’t push it to the extremity and then do the pencil work. I’ll do it only 50% and then I’ll do the pencil work. Then I’ll come back to the color pencil work, and then I come back to the pencil work, then I mix them together and make it looks like sculpture, like a clay. There is a kind of yellow ochre clay, looks like sculpture. That’s very very beautiful. Because when black and white pencil drawing is kind of cold, especially you use a super white white white paper, so the drawing looks really cold. Especially after you do all the shadows, the drawing looks a bit bluish. But if you use the yellowish, if your drawing paper is a little bit yellowish, then after the shadow stands, it looks like it has tones, somewhere warm, somewhere cold, it’s very very interesting. So I want to push that to a point where it’s more full, the temperature and atmosphere is more full developed, with pencil and color pencil together. So the color pencil especially orange color pencil or pink color pencil would be the warmer part of the work, and the regular pencil, actually my mechanical pencil, will be the cold part of the work, and the two parts work together very well and build up something warmer and colder together and actually you can never separate colder from warmer, right? They always be next to each other. Like where the light hits, there must be a shadow. There must be a terminator. What is a terminator? It’s a kind of the where the light and the shadow fighting there, and it looks like a line, but there is no line, there is always an area, there is a range of grey, beautiful, fuzzy, tender, grey area, where the light turns. Even though some part of the figures, or some part of the still life, some part of the drapery, there is very sharp contour, looks very very sharp, but if you look at it very very detailed, very carefully, it looks fuzzy. It’s tender and fuzzy, the contour is like a little fur, a little fur over there. Could you show that part? Yes, right here. If you look at the drawing from very far, it looks very sharp. The contour looks very very clear. But if you come close to it, and feel how the light, it’s shining, it looks fuzzy, and very soft. How to say. And in terms of this drapery study, the light is a little bit orange like, orange-like and yellowish-like light, like classical paintings. The lights, usually looks like yellowish or even brown color. The reason I do this series of drapery study, is because of the grand artist Leonardo Da Vinci’s work. I was again, I was attracted and fascinated about his work a lot. The drapery study was one part of this attraction. When I look at his work, I wonder how he made it. I did copies and I set up similar draperies. Sometimes just throw the drapery on the floor and follow the puzzled trap of the still-life and do the master study. And one interesting thing is, I was told by my classmate, he did use plaster to put plaster on a model and make it still and make the plaster like a sculpture drapery and he draw it with pencils, charcoals, and then with brush, looks super real, super strong, super solid. But if you look at it very carefully, the detail is still so tender and wonderful and powerful and every single amazing words you can use on it. I was amazed. I was really really amazed. I admire his work a lot. But the more I look at it, I printed the book, I printed his drapery study books and put them on the wall where I walk by and look at it every day for so long time. The more I look at his work, the more I question myself, ask myself the question, is this what you want to do with drapery study. And I said no, not entirely. So what you want to do with drapery study, and I think I don’t know, but this is not exactly what I want. But this is where I want to start, this is where I want to pass by, learn something and go my own path. And about drapery, I think drapery is not just drapery, still life is not just still life. For example, a kettle, a little kettle, a small jar, if you look Morandi, the Italian still life painter. His work, is it only just still life, you can almost feel his personality and his mood, how he feels. Someone a little bit introvert, a little bit quiet person who likes very subtle grey colors, and I love it. I still do not understand why I love it his work, but I do. Drapery is not just drapery. A friend of mine told me that the drapery drawing, I was showing him the piece named “Destiny”, which is just a drapery study with watercolor and pencil, and he said, it seems like someone is hidden underneath the drapery, who is that? It’s interesting. I never thought of that that way. And when I look at my work again. It seems like, yeah, someone is hidden underneath it. What’ that? What’s being cover, what’s the bomb, what’s underneath it. Actually, nothing. So it’s tricky. But it’s interesting. Part of work. And the same drapery setup. I setup the drapery on a bed. And I shot with different light situations, like from nine o’clock in the morning until two o’clock, three o’clock in the afternoon, I shot every one hour, when the light was beautiful and changing I shot photo. In the end, I realize I shot almost a hundred, or maybe more photos with that thing and I chose photo for moments I want to catch. And every single piece show me a different personality. If you could show that one, this one. Could you show the little photo over there? Yes, that one is the same setup actually, but that one feels like not drapery for me. The one feels like a mountain. And I gave it a name, it’s Alps, it’s like an ice mountain, snow mountain, super cold, super amazing, wonderful. This is for someone like to be alone, like to climb certain height by himself no matter how cold it is, or no matter how lonely people think of him, but he doesn’t think of it that way. He enjoys what he is doing. And I like that detachment a lot. So I gave that work a name, like Alps, I do not know when I can finish it. Because so far I am doing this drapery study and a green one named green lemon, and I must copy for a third time with pink color pencil. It’s amazing, and for art lovers, art students, I think it’s a good study, a good beginning. Not beginning, it’s a good subject to study drapery. Because there are so many draftsman who already studies drapery and there are so many examples to study with, to understand the light and shadow illusion. Also, it’s very good study about softness and dynamics. Drapery is a good subject to study, because of the mixture of software and dynamics. Because the texture is soft, maybe harder but still soft fabric. So you need to show the texture of the fabric is soft. And you need to show the dynamics of how the line change direction, how the heaviness, and harsh kind of thing hidden in the softness. It’s a part of the study. It’s more than practice of just light and shadow. It’s something there you can feel even about yourself. Once my mom told me that my drapery study, the red one I showed her, she said, it’s like a cloud, like a sunset cloud. That made me very happy. I never thought of my drawing look like a cloud. But I was happy. And suggestions for art lovers to do drapery study. At first, you may start with a napkin. A napkin with very simple strokes, simple changing of directions, make it a very easy study. Then, put a larger of blankets, throw it on the floor, or maybe a jacket, throw it on the floor, and whatever it looks, draw some sketches. And after you are familiar with how the fabric turns and comes back and going around, and then you need to draw a model with clothes on, like jacket, or trousers, how the trousers turn, underneath the knees. How the dynamic goes with the figure, and with the bones underneath the figure. It’s relatively easier if you draw the legs with trousers on. You only need to pay attention to the basic proportion of the legs, make that proportion correct, and draw two legs. And draw the knee as a potato. And practice the fabric, I mean the trousers. So it helps a lot, so you understand the drapery, all the strokes describing the legs. But don’t think of it as a leg. Don’t think that. Think of it like, like cylinder. And make it as simple, as easy, and practice to use the fabric, strokes, to wrap around the object inside. So that may be more practical for later on creation. If you want to draw like say a pianist, you want to draw a pianist playing piano, you need to draw his jacket, his shirt, or his trousers, his shoes. So all the drapery has purpose. A purpose. And if you consider the personality of that person. Is that a new shirt, or is that a silk shirt, or is that a very old jacket, you wear and wear it for years and it become very soft, old. It’s part of your personal belongings, and you almost have an attachment to it. Not attachment, just it’s yours, it’s yours, it’s yours... So how you draw it, something soft and something belong to you? It’s different with you draw something new, new washed, new whitened, like a towel in a gym, in a swimming pool. There’s difference with a towel of your own you brought it there. What’s the difference, if you draw the two towels. So that’s pretty much the fabric I was thinking.
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2018.12.12
Hao: Can you talk about how to draw shadow in a drawing?
Xiong Xuan Melancholy: It really depends. It really depends on your lighting situation. If you draw a landscape, outdoors, a house, a small building, or a beautiful bridge, the lights from the sun is from the sky, right? So, the light may be very shiny, very bright, so the shadows become very narrow and heavy. Especially in the midday, when the sunshine is really really rich, so the shadows may be very clear and very heavy, and kind of maybe easier. But the shadows have colors if you draw landscape outdoor, right? So, you need to consider if the shadow is bluish, or like the purple color, even, how do you show it. So, when you do an outdoor drawing, you need to consider the local color of all the shadows, also the parts under the light, right? Everything has its own texture, its own local color, that’s all part of the drawing. And if you have an artificial light indoor, if you draw something in your studio, especially a human figure as your model, the lights will be more dramatic and more subtle. I mean the details, all the details, all the terminators, how the shadows change in direction, it will be a lot more subtle. So of course, you need to do the darkest dark in the shadow part, right? But it’s not just suddenly becoming dark. There is a grey area, maybe very bright grey, or a tender gray, maybe darker grey, even more darker and darker until to the darkest dark in the drawing, so it really depends on your lighting situation. I was talking about if you draw a figure in a studio, that’s how it feels, at least for me. For myself, I do still life more than human figures, I just finished the first figure drawing experiment with twenty people in all. I was short for money to pay models. I couldn’t afford any model. But I learn a lot from photos. The main character and the audience around the main character. What I was thinking, how to draw shadow with photo, the black and white shot photo, or a colorful photo. I tell myself, you have to imagine it’s a sculpture, a real person in front of you, not just a flat image photo. And I learn a lot, because it’s almost like doing a master copy. The difference is, this is more challenging, because it’s a photo, you cannot do everything you see from the photo. You have to tell yourself, I have to draw better than this photo. My drawing is not photo. Although it’s based on flat image. In this situation, you need to recall all your knowledge and all your memories when you are drawing a life model, or a vivid real situation. That requires a huge amount of fundamental training until you could work with a photo, as a foundation. As I do this piece, this is a fabric study. If you could show the main part. Could you turn to the TV? That is the setup I arranged on a bed. The lighting situation is so changeable, so different. Every one hour, the lighting situation changed. And that amazed me. It ends up I just couldn’t choose. A is better, or B is better, or C or D, or E or F. Actually, I decided to do several pieces simultaneous. The composition will be the same. Elements will be the same, but the difference. There is difference. The lighting situation is different. And the mood is different. I couldn’t tell you how difficult it is to draw a fabric in a winter afternoon lighting situation. But that amazes me. That’s amazing, I think. And sometimes I look at the shadows on the wall. The window frame’s shadow projected on the wall, and it looks like slightly waving. Like the lighting situation, the shadow is kind of moving a little bit, like it’s breathing. And it looks brighter for a while and darker for a while. That’s a trick from the sunshine and the wind. But that’s very very beautiful. And I can share you very interesting experiment I had. I was doing a cast drawing in the cast hall of my former school. There were about five different lights on the ceiling. So, the sculpture has five layers of shadows overlapped together, and each one has a different grey range that likes a family color, they are merged together. Part of the shadows merged together and then they separated from each other, but they are so amazing if you draw five shadows overlapped together and with a sculpture in front of it. It’s very very beautiful. Because the sculpture will look very solid, a metal, solid thing, a clay sculpture, a plaster sculpture stone. It’s stable and solid, big mass of something, very strong. There, don’t move. And the shadow is kind of playful, like a joke, like, we are here, what are you going to do, are you going to draw me? We have five here, are you going to draw? How difficult it is. If you decide I only can draw one shadow, the picture will be very formal, or maybe more serious. But I think maybe that’s the challenge of drawing. Especially when it’s a complicated, difficult situation. But once you get used to it, once you know what it means, and how that happens, you figure out the reason why there are five shadows. And you try to figure out the order of the puzzle. You tell yourself, number one, two, three, four, five. Which one is the darkest, which one is weaker, and weaker, and weaker, which one is the most soft one, and the gentle one. And part of the shadow is the difference of the contour. If the sculpture, Rodin’s sculpture in front of you, and the sculpture has the one shadow on the way or on the floor. You observe it, from the top to the feet, it’s very different. You will see the far is from the main sculpture, the shadow looks like shallow and softer and fading away. And the closer to the base, the model stand, it looks more clearer and heavier, and darker, even could be the darkest dark in the picture. Even though sometimes like the feet, you bare feet standing on the floor. There is a very narrow dark line between your feet and the floor. So there is a darkest dark in the picture that looks like a line. But you should tell yourself that line cheats you, that line doesn’t belong to the feet, no, not like that, because the feet is standing there, so there is a tiny space like here, I’ll show you an example. Could you show this? There is no line at all. This is my drawing paper, and this is the mounting board here as the base. Because there is a space here, you can see a very dark line shadow here, but it’s tricky and it’s not real. And you could never tell yourself that this shadow belongs to this drawing paper. No, that’s not real. So, when I am trying to analyze what the shadow means, I try to be sober and lucid. I try to analyze how it makes sense to me first. Another thing about shadows is that it’s not just do it without shape, without direction, or without changing from the brighter range to the darker range. Without being eager to it, you totally lost it. Because the shadow always has a shape, it’s a shape of the sculpture, but deformed, in an interesting way deformed shape of the shadow. Also, there is a direction, just opposite of the light, the light coming from the right hand, and the shadow will go to the opposite direction. And you need to consider the length of the shadow and the length of the head of the model, of the sculpture, how long should they be, the difference. That’s all part of the composition. Also, you need to consider even you do correctly, how long, the figure should be, and how long, the shadow should be, even you do it correctly. You also need to consider the negative space where somewhere is empty. You need to consider the edge of the drawing paper, how far the shadows should be kept away from the edge of the paper, because that’s part of the language depicting the shadows. My own habit, my personal habit is that I prefer to leave more space after the shadows. So, the shadows, you imagine that’s not the shadow, that’s sculpture falling down. You imagine that’s a living thing there, like rain shadow, a lovely artist. If you consider like it has a life, so you will consider it in a more human way, so you wouldn’t be so careless or so much relaxed, you will take it with more eager and more care. That’s very touching. And another interesting example is that when you draw very soft, very fuzzy fabric, the shadows become more softer, and you couldn’t find the darkest dark at all as usual situations. Because everything is so soft and so gentle, so in this situation, in this kind of situation, how do you deal with this shadow. I think, you better just forget about it. Just trying to follow the changing direction of the strokes of the fabric itself. It will tell you how it turns. And look at it like an architecture or like a mountain, forget about it’s a fabric, just make it a lot more abstract. And consider the situation only the fact itself. What’s the fact? The light and shadow. And how the lighting change, the edge of the shadow, which is the terminator, someone told me, but I learned terminator. You could say, it’s the edge of the shadow, you could also say, it’s a wall. It’s a wall between the light part and the dark part. And this wall could be very thick, or very thin, and it could have an irregular shape, until it totally turns to dark. So, you need to consider that as part of the shadows. And the tools you use for the shadow makes the picture very very different. If it’s a very dark charcoal, or chalk, it could be very fast, and efficient, it could be dark enough like a dark night, you couldn’t see your fingers. But if you do it with a gentle, mechanical pencil, like this one, is a H mechanical pencil, you need to work on it maybe fifty times, fifty layers of cross-hatching from different directions. What’s the difference? If you use chalk and charcoal, it’s efficient, and a lot more faster, and it could be super strong, super powerful, and you also could show the changing, the subtle changing of the shadows. If you have practiced enough, you could do it very well. But for me, I am a slow person, and I enjoy showing the light a little bit by a little bit by a little bit, build up the volumes and build up the shadows a little bit by a little bit. And they could never be separated. I used to read an interesting story, a small novel. There is a man who went to a forest in North Europe, a small beautiful country, with a lot of forests and woods and trees, and he lost himself in one of the woods, a mystery place. It’s so amazing and he lost his shadow. He couldn’t find his shadow anymore because sometime some moment the shadow went away from him. And it’s kind of sad, but it’s an interesting story. And then the man looks for his shadow everywhere. And until he found it, it’s still the same shape as himself, but it’s already been a stranger to him, it wouldn’t go with him anymore. That’s a very interesting idea because I never thought of man and his shadow could be separated. And the shadow could have an independent situation like how to feel and how to be aware of the environment. And sometimes when I am outdoor, I walk into the pool, and I look at some trees, and there are no shadows on the branches or on the leaves, some shadows on the ground, of course. But sometimes the shadows disappear. And the object, the tree becomes very simple existing situation. It’s hard for me. Because if I am put into a place, a space, without any shadow situation I’ll be lost, because drawing for me, is based on light and shadow situation. I couldn’t imagine how life would be if there is no shadow. I don’t agree that someone do unnecessary sacrifice for someone else. Life. It’s may sound like romantic, but when it actually happens in reality it could be so cruel and super harsh to that person and to the one he sacrifices something for that person. It could be very uncomfortable. If you consider that as a shadow for something brighter, I think that’s very unnecessary. Afterall come back to drawing. It’s a lot simpler, and a lot kind. I think the drawing is the kindest person I ever met. Not a person, of course, but feels like that. It feels like that way. It feels like a true friend. My drawings never leave me, they never run away from me, they never be harsh to me. They allow me to draw something, to express, to convey my ideas. Or maybe no ideas, just very simple thing, a beautiful moment without too heavy attachments. And one thing about shadows for this one, take this picture as an example here. This is the color of the floor, and the shadows on the floor would be super dark and you may say it’s a shadow, correct? But if you draw the fabric, you draw the details, how the forms changing direction, especially this part, like here, it’s more difficult shadows also. And when you draw this part and this part, you should never draw them separately, you need to go through the entire process, put it to the edge of the paper. And consider this type of shadows the same important as this kind of shadows and they are connected. But the contour is very very fuzzy, even fading away, but it will be there, no matter…. The edge will always be there. You will need to make it looks like it’s stepping back, retreating. But it’s tricky, sometimes the darker you make it, it comes out, it jumps out. You want to head it in the back, but the picture becomes more bright. So not the paper changes to be yellowish color, and not because the paper is shiny like itself, but because you are drawing the shadows, you are building up the light with all the shadows, different forms, or different intensity of the shadows. One thing more important than the shadow itself and connected with it, is the main subject, if it’s a human figure, or if it’s a still life. I think it’s very very very important, to make the main subject as accurate as possible, and the shadows will have something, someone to rely on. Though they are always together. Accurate doesn’t mean all the contour be super clear, super sharp. The contour could be fuzzy, could be very very soft, could merge into the background. I remembered one day I emailed a friend of me, I asked him, what’s drawing. And he said, it’s shape. I immediately think if I ask him what is painting, he would say, it’s color, maybe. And I question myself, is it right? I think so, most of the times, drawings are based on shapes. Shapes, space, or shapes of subject in a space, how perspective push it back or put it out or come towards your face, the visual illusion. But sometimes, if you are in a dark room, not completely dark, but relatively dark, there is no clear contours. All the subjects in that dark room looks blurry, very ambiguous. So, in this situation, how do you draw the shadows, even you couldn’t see the shadows like everything are a lot darker than your usual situation. So, what do you do? I think the mood would attract me first until I could figure out, oh, this is a chair, that is a computer, that is a cup. Until I could figure out what they are and locations for them. But the mood will be overwhelming more than to find out where the terminator, where the shadows are. So that changed me. So, drawing is not just shapes. It could be no shape at all. Could be ambiguous, and you couldn’t understand what is it at all. And that’s totally fine. I just forgot. An interesting idea just crossed my mind after I finish that sentence that idea escaped. I’ll tell you next time when you record it.
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2018.12.16
Hao: You talked about drawing shadows last time, can you talk about drawing light today?
Xiong Xuan Melancholy: Drawing shadow and light … You could never separate light and shadow, right? They’ll always be together. Actually the way I am doing my way is cross-hatching, and all the light part of the work, the forehead of the figure, or the nose, or the chin, or the chest, under the light, very bright and shiny, right? I actually do not draw the light there at all. I draw the shadows. So as the picture is growing and growing, and the shadows look darker and darker. So the lightest light to the little bit gray area, they look like shining and it is the whitest white in the world, maybe snow white. No, snow white is kind of bluish. The white in my drawing is kind of yellowish, kind of you can feel the passage of the time, like the color of an old black and white photo, it’s kind of yellowish and kind of getting bruised by time. So, you can never separate light from shadows. They’ll always be together, and always there is a so-called grey area, so-called terminator. It’s a funny name, I think. It’s hard to say the terminator belongs to the light part or belong to the dark part. I prefer to think about it like a connection between the light and shadow. Or you can say, it’s a wall, but a wall sounds bad. How about let’s say the terminator is a connection. It connects light and shadow together to be an entire subject, an entire thing in front of your eyes. There are different ways to show the light. The one I was telling you just now was to show the shadows. Also, there is important thing help you to show the light. It is the environment. I’ll do a sample for you. This is your paper, OK? Your are drawing a triangle. One second. You are drawing a triangle subject. Imagine the light comes this way. So the shadows will go the opposite way. Of course you need to draw the shadows of this subject as well as the little following shadow on the floor. So you see, it’s turning back, right? It has volume now. But more important is, what if you make the background darker? So it looks different, right? So you have the lightest light, and you have the darkest dark, some part of the object, and some part of the shadow. Also you have the color of the background, it’s never totally white. So there shouldn’t be line here, should be a contrast between white and gray, or darker part or terminator, so-called funny name. So basically you need to draw the shadows of the subject, on the subject, also the shadows be projected on the floor. Also, the environment. But you need to observe very carefully, because it’s not a flat gray color. For example, the light coming in from this edge, right? The light is here, so the background must look very different between this part and this part here, kind of on the desk. There are subtle differences of the gray areas. It’s very very gentle and very very subtle. I think that’s the more beautiful part of rendering an object, rendering the illusion of light and shadow. That’s almost like an endless comparison, which one is darker or lighter, how light it should be, or how dark it should be. This is relatively simple. What if there is another object. If there is another object here, the light coming in this way, and shadows go the opposite way, and the thing has a shape, the shadow has a similar shape, a deformed shape from the mini-actor here. So if there are two objects here, what’s the difference between this one and this one? Should this part be a lot darker than here, or they are similar. What’s different between them and the background? What’s the difference between here and here? Because this area, kind of background, belongs to the triangle subject. And this area kind of belong to the shadowy part of this subject. So, when there are two objects in the picture, or a lot more objects, how to do you find the order in this puzzled world? There is an order of the lights and shadow. You will find very clear idea about the order from the lightest light to the darkest dark. It’s kind of tiresome at the beginning when you are training yourself to analyze or tell yourself, oh, the light is here, which part is the lightest, and then grow darker and darker to the extreme point to the darkest dark. But after a while, after enough training, you will be very self-confident. You almost do it without analyzing anymore. It’s kind of almost your instinct, like if you learn how to ride a bicycle. At the beginning you may fall, couldn’t control directions, kind of mistakes. And then when you are really good at it, you just tell yourself, oh, I go to the Mclean subway station, how do I go there? So you forget even you are riding the bicycle anymore. So it’s really all the same to the drawing. You practice a lot, analyze very coolly and very peacefully, looking at the object in front of your eyes and tell yourself the mystery of it, what is it, and how should I translate, how could I convey what I see, what I deal. So it’s like a riding bicycle thing. At the beginning you will ride it slowly and carefully, and then you will be very free, kind of free, you are riding a bicycle like flying. How to express that. I like my bicycle a lot, and I enjoy how it feels when I am riding it. It’s kind of similar as drawing. You will forget and you do not feel bad, because it has already become part of your instinct to do the right decision and give the right response of certain situations in terms of a drawing. There are so many many difficulties enough for me to deal with. So many difficulties. But it's all right. I look at it as learning bicycle. As long as I could conquer it, I could control it while I do my own work, this period will be about two years, to solve some difficulties in drawing, to search for some answers I want to know. Sometimes I look at people’s works, master’s works, or contemporary artists’, great artists’ works, and I found part of my answers. But to be honest, really really honest, I know I have to do it myself. I have to keep drawing and search for the answer for myself. No matter how bad or how good it is. It will tell by time. I look back all these years, what I am doing, keep drawing, keep drawing, keep thinking about drawing, keep looking at other people’s works, look at my own works, previous works, and I constantly stopped myself, and denied myself. Actually that’s not deny, it’s making progress, because your thinking ability is stronger and the depth of your thinking is a lot deeper. Sometimes you get lost because you are trying to dive in the sea and you want to find the dolphin there and sometimes you will be so desperate and kind of but you tell yourself, you should keep drawing, you should keep doing it, it’s meaningful. It’s too far away from your question about the shadows. And one thing about the shadows is a lot difficult, what I was telling you was something superficial thing about drawing shadows, volumes, hue. Not hue, if it’s a colorful drawing there’s hue, local color kind of thing. Actually I want to tell you that everything I do or you do with shadows, with backgrounds, with shining little lines, it’s all about the atmosphere of the drawing, about the mood, how you feel that day. If it’s a clear sky with winter afternoon sunshine, how do you feel about that moment. That is more crucial and more difficult to convey through the superficial shadow thing. You almost may get lost in this puzzled world, but if you are really in it, you will love it. It’s a completely different world from the reality, from art world, from art history, from family’s pressure, from best friends’ friendship, from lovers’ feeling, whatever, anything else beautiful or troublesome or tiresome or suffocating you go away from this world. Not go away, fading away, you will forget. And you, just in your drawing, that’ the most beautiful, most peaceful space I ever found in this word, in this time-being I am living right there. And it’s tricky. When you are looking at a work, the brightest work will attract your eyes immediately. You will look at the brightest place first, it’s shiny, it’ beautiful, it’s graceful, it’s elegant, every possible, wonderful word you could describe it about that part. But actually you if you look back the entire working process, you know how important shadows are, how you rendered it with shadows to show the light part. But actually the light part didn’t labor much. But it’s OK. It has to happen, it will happen that way. So I tell myself that, never complain, and never blame yourself if the brightest part doesn’t look bright enough. It’s probably because the shadowy part is not sufficient, or the grey color in the background is not appropriate. Appropriate is a difficult word, a critical word. How about, the atmosphere is not quite right. I try to find out what’s beyond the drawing, beyond the technical skills, fundamental training. I try to find out what’s beyond it to make you feel different about the work. And the more I search for it, the more I kind of feel, all difficulties could be conquered in terms of a drawing. No matter it is technical difficulties or psychological range. It could be conquered by hard-working. By doing fundamental training for years, I realize that hard-working honestly and doing experiments constantly and don’t be afraid of trying new materials, new methods is the best teacher ever in the world no matter your work is based on life model or a photos or you could only would like to do abstract work, that’s really OK. But the best teacher is to keep drawing and conquer all the difficulty you met during the working day. And the most beautiful dream, the most beautiful secret garden is not in a beautiful garden or in a rich place. It’s in your drawing, it’s your own little garden. It’s your own work, your own pencil. You look at your pencil box, how you feel about it. And when the leads go off, when the entire lead with pencil used up, I need to refill it, and I feel good, because I am still working, and I feel safe, I keep refilling leads into the pencil. Actually I have a question, what if it’s really flat, and it’s almost no shadows, what will you do? Or what if the room is a lot darker, there is no brightest bright, no lightest light, everything grey and darker, everything be kind of degraded. Not degraded, everything darker in a darker room. What do you do? So it’s like an unexpected situation, what do you do? I guess I would do it with my instinct, and quiet all my knowledge, all my experiences, and freeze all my history knowing, just be in that moment, and observe, and feel, and try to depict what’s in front of me. No matter it is a good expression or it’s a misunderstanding, it’s totally OK. One good way to exercise on that shadow is to do cast drawing. Start from some very simple shapes, like triangle shape or a cube, and then you may do a portrait. Like if this is a sculpture, how to do shadows on sculptures. Then you can do an entire figure sculpture, Rodin’s sculpture or later on, do groups, groups of figures. Like this one, there are four people there, right? There are four figures in this work. So, control it carefully, make sure it’s easy enough to get started. Make sure it’s not too scared. Drawing is a difficult thing, if you make the beginning too hard, you may get scared, and run away. But that’s some personal decisions, not my problem. One suggest for art-lovers who would like to practice shadows is to do line drawings. Why do line drawings? In order to make the shadow drawings better. Because line drawings especially in a sketch way, is a very good way to practice your ability to catch a form, and be accurate, and then when you do the shadows, the shadows need to be on the right location, on the right places. You need to do the right things at the right places at a right time-being. So everything must be there at the right time, right place, right location, right shape. And a very desperation thing is, no matter how hard you working on it, no matter how much time you invested in it, no matter how eager you would like to draw better, it may disappoint you, and you may feel, oh I couldn’t, it’s too hard. I did my best, but it’s still not yet. There is only one reason for that, that’s because you lack of practice. If you do another one, another one, another one, gradually you will build up your self-confidence, and you will know how to control it, the gradation will be very beautiful. Line-drawing, when you draw this line, you’ll compare it with this one, what’s the difference? Oh, there is a narrow shadow going down, you’ll see, this line is clear and sharp and fragile, compare to this one, there is a shadow going along with it, and the line has some fuzzy quality, so there is a difference. You’ll notice the difference between this one and this one, so that is a very good practice for line-drawing, and shadow-drawing, at the beginning point. I remember when I was a child, when I was little, I did line-drawings with bikes a lot, draw the bike from different directions, and then draw two bikes, and then draw a group of bikes, it’s really a great exercise for practicing line-drawing. If you look at some master-pieces, who good at line-drawings, they never separate the line from shadow, especially when the form is turning back, for example, you draw a portrait of a beautiful lady, and draw her elegant arms turning back, the line becomes fuzzy and thicker, it goes together with shadowy part, so you could never separate line-drawing from shadow-drawing, they are all part of the same drawing-language. Right now, what I am doing? I am making the picture really flat, but I never forget the overall control of the entire work, I turn the picture horizontally, the only reason for it is because I need to do cross-hatching this way, I know the “task” for this moment, not a task, it’s what I have to do this area, I just need to make it a little bit darker, without paying attention to little forms yet, so I am really clear knowing what I am doing, and try my best to make the cross-hatching flat, like a looming-machine, hopefully one day I could work that way, make it as peacefully as possible. When you ask me how I express light in artwork, one coming into my mind is Latour, he painted beautiful shadows of shining candles, a red candle with orange light, it’s very very beautiful, I could never forget about his work. And another one coming into my mind is the lighting-master Rembrandt. Let’s see some of his work. There is an ink drawing called the Prodigal Son, the bad boy comes back home, kneeing in front of his old father and little bother just sit next, and it’s very bright shining light in this picture. The light on the head of the father, the light on the main actors, the light on this little wall here, the light on the front part of the picture. You will see just the whiteness of the paper itself, but how he made it? Because the shadows, the shadows on the figure itself. The shadows, the hand, the figures. Here, the shadows underneath the feet, as well as the shadows in the dark room, in the background, the shadows here. So he showed the light by depicting the shadows. And you will see the differences between all these shadows, like the shadows on the father’s head, on the shoulders, on his head, and the difference between this one, and this part. So, there’s a lot to do to show light by depicting the shadowy part. Let’s look at a painting he did. Could you show this one please. This is a self portrait when he was about sixty years ago, I guess. He is a master of using light, or magical lighting. You may almost feel the light is right on top of his forehead, and how it changes from the lightest light becoming darker and darker and darker and to the brown jacket. But it’s not white like paper. Not the white from here, different from his ink drawings or etchings. But he never forgets the local color of the skins when the light is on the skin, looks yellowe or looks orange, or looks brown. So, it’s really all the thing you want to show the light. But you want the darker shadows in this eye ball, or eye ball area, also the background. What if the background is white? What the background is a lot brighter? Then probably the forehead isn’t that bright. Or what if the background is pink? Or it’s blue, or it’s green, like when Vincent Van Gogh did his portrait by showing the background bluish or greenish, or even with little flowers, little patterns he learnt from Japanese painting. How about that? How do you feel about that, that kind of style. You may say it’s a different style, but I am trying to say take example from this great master. You always hopefully to show the light with shadows, but this portrait, what this portrait moved me, is his glances. He did this portrait later in his year, not when he was really really successful or really really rich and supported by local rich buyer. After his masterpiece, The Night Watch, his life changed dramatically and he was in poverty. And he did tones of self-portrait. This one is one of portrait, you may see his eyes, his glances, you can feel his strength and his self-confidence. You almost can imagine the artist is still working there. He’s a brave hero for me. He is a hero. He encouraged me a lot. This one is a lot different when he was high. Let’s change, some other pages. This is a good example about how to practice a line drawing and shadows, a little sketch, a small drawing. I guess he started with line drawings first and used ink to do the shadows. It’s important to practice a lot with small drawings and then you can have enough abilities to manage a big picture. Because there is a lot to do and because when a figure is only one inch, it’s kind of not too hard or maybe harder. But what about it’s one meter high, it’s one meter of forty inches, fifty inches figure like this big, it will be a lot different. That’s pretty much what I have right now.
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2018.12.18
Hao: Can you talk about drawing eyes?
Xiong Xuan Melancholy: Drawing eyes is probably the most difficult part of the portrait. And if you think about the eyes, you need to consider the glance, how it feels, what the person is thinking, what she or he is trying to say by looking at you. This is really really difficult. But when you are really drawing it, you almost lose it. And you are drawing the eyelids, the eyeballs, the eye brows, the nose, the mouth, everything around the physical structures of this eyeball. But everything is superficial and you actually want to show the glance, the facial expression. Of course, including the eyes, also. The shape of the head, the forehead, the chin, as well as the hairs around the head, the neck, the connection between head, neck, shoulders. I mean the gesture of the figure is also part of the facial expression. I think you really need to know the skull, if you ever draw a skull, before you draw a person’s face. Or before you do a copy from someone’s work to learn how to draw eyes, you need to learn to draw a skull. And then you will recognize some bony structures on the eyebrows, on the nose, on the chin bone area. But everything is hidden under the skin. So, you actually need to consider the skin and the bony structure underneath it. Eyes… There are a lot of good examples of draftsman whoever depicted eyes their own way. And eyes are almost windows of the world. You look at someone’s eyes, it’s a world for you. What the person is, kind of depicting a world for you, what he likes, what he doesn’t, you will see immediately by looking at his eyes. Would you show this one? This very beginning. Could you show that one? It’s very different if you draw a real baby, a real child, in reality, a sketch, a drawing, a painting. And if you draw a religious character, very different. What’s the difference? How to say… They are looking at something, they are looking at some where far away, and they are thinking something, something kind of far away, but noble and beautiful, but cannot be described by words. There shouldn’t be any verbal explanation about what they are thinking, or what they want to say. Actually, the audience, the viewers, they only want to see a very simple, beautiful symbol that represents something beautiful, higher than the reality life. If it’s a woman in reality life, the real world, she may have so many things to take care of, to deal with, to struggle, to suffer, to desire, to cry. But if it’s a woman in a religious theme, in a religious drawing or paining, people would like to see who is this person. If it is Mary, they only want to see a simple and beautiful and noble and very very very very beautiful Mary, they do not want to see anything the same as the reality woman. That’s very different. Unless there are some other characters in the story, they have a certain characteristic already be described, what they like and how they changed and what their last judgement would be. That’s part of the Bible story. Everything is already described and you have to follow the description. Back to the question you asked me, the glances. Sometimes it’s easier to show the eyes are closed, or looking down. For example, this one. This is a beautiful drawing from the great artist, Leonardo. The woman, this beautiful lady, she is looking down, right? I don’t think she is sleeping, but she is looking down, kind of closing her eyes, maybe remembering someone in her mind. So, her mind is some where far away. And eyeballs always have directions, what the person is looking at. It’s almost like pointing to a direction, where she is looking at? Why? What’s happening over there? It’s almost like pointing to a direction. If you could turn to the little John here. His eyes are looking that direction. He is looking at that direction. So, eyeballs, they have a direction and showing the story happening. And it’s very difficult to build the connection between this person and what he is looking at. There needs to be an answer for that, to be responsible. Not responsible, to build up the connection. If you could show the Anna, Saint Anna. Her eyes are not very clear. If you start from far away, you can feel her facial expression, but if you come closer, it’s ambiguous, it’s not very clear, so it’s very tricky. You need to practice a lot, to make everything clear until you could make it blurry to a proper level. That’s it. Thank you.
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2018.12.19
Hao: Can you talk about showing volume in a drawing?
Xiong Xuan Melancholy: Volume? You mean the light and shadow effect.
Hao: I mean showing depth in a drawing.
Xiong Xuan Melancholy: I think I have talked about how to show shadows and how to show light previously. And that is the volume and space. If you could look at my essay a few days ago, you will find answer for it. Any other questions?
Hao: Can you talk about how to draw boundaries?
Xiong Xuan Melancholy: Boundaries? You mean the contour.
Hao: Right
Xiong Xuan Melancholy: The contour of an object or of a figure is easier to see the difference if it’s a sharp contour or if it’s an ambiguous, fuzzy contour. Usually, people think it’s sharp, the contour is very sharp if the contrast of the light and shadow is very strong. And it looks so, if you look at an arm under light, or you look at an object under strong light, the contour looks very sharp, because the contrast between light and shadow is very very strong. But not really if you do it in a drawing. If you make the contour really sharp, it looks like very thin. I say it’s very thin, it means like a piece of paper. It’s not like a sculpture turns back. That’s the difference between what you are looking at and what you are drawing with a pencil. It’s almost somehow different from what you are looking at. Even though it looks very sharp, you need to show how it turns back. So sometimes you need to make it fuzzy. Compared to somewhere really fuzzy. For example, under the arms, it’s in the shadow, and the forms turn back in the shadow, and it looks really fuzzy and really ambiguous. What’s wrong about it? There is nothing wrong about it. Because it is in the darker area. It’s in the shadows, so it’s not very clear. Of course, it looks very different from the contour right under the light. But when you are drawing it, you cannot just lose it, you have to take care of it. When you start it, you may start with line drawing, right? You may make a right location of the rib cage, but as you are rendering the light and shadow, it may disappear. Or, it may fade away. But, never forget, it’s there. And as time goes on, it looks darker and darker and more and more ambiguous. But I never forget it’s there. It never just disappeared. It’s still there. So, just make sure it’s dark enough, or it’s appropriately located. Even though there is reflection at the edge of the ambiguous contour, make sure the reflection is not too light, is not reflecting too much, more than the lightest light area. And they need to consider the texture what you are depicting. For example, the texture of the skin, if you are drawing the contour of the texture of the skin, it’s very different as if you are drawing the contour of the hair. For example, this may be a contour of the shoulder, right? And here is a fuzzy, ambiguous contour of the arm. This is the contour of the back, this is the contour of the rib cage, it’s very weak right now. It’s different between the edge of the hair. If you can look at, it’s like a bowl, a rounded object, but has little fur, little bowl of furs, and contour of that person’s head, the hair. It’s very very different. So, when you are dealing with contour, you need to consider what is it, the texture of it, never forget the final visual illusion you are expecting how it looks, and goes that way. And sometimes you will forget the tiny skills. Not forget, just do it without realizing it any more. Sometimes I got lost some fuzzy ambiguous contours. I do cross hatching for many many layers. I lost some contour and I put them back. I try to find it. Where is it? But it already got lost. Because it’s getting darker and darker. And it’s difficult to find a correct location of the contour. Where is it? Even though at the beginning you make something perfect, the contour you think, perfect now, I can do the shadows now, not really. It’s always moving, it’s always changing. Even though you think it’s perfect right now, but later on you will think, oh, I need to change it a little bit again, and again, and again, and you never feel it’s good enough. So, I prefer to make a contour beginning stage very very gentle and very very light, because I know, I am going to change it later on. Because I know, I am going to feel it’s not quite right later on. That’s not a bad thing, even though it’s frustrating sometimes. But it’s a good thing because I know I am making progress. When I realize something is not quite right, that’s telling me that I am making progress because I see the mistakes. Not mistakes, I say where I need to be changed, be better, and that’s a wonderful thing in art. Because if one day you look at your art work, and you do not see any problems any more, you do not see any space any more, probably you may stop growing. Not growing, you may stop to see more space in your art work. You may need some inspiration from other people’s work, or from other windows of the world, look at something else, movies, literatures, or something totally irrelevant with artworks to get inspired and come back to your studio and check your work again. You may look at it very differently. And contour, what is contour, you may say, it’s the outline of object you are looking at. Really, I think, everywhere is contour. Because the form is changing. If the form is coming upward or outward, is that the contour also? Of course, if you look at from another angle. So, when you are cutting a form, like if your pencil are scissors, and you cut a piece of paper with scissors to show the contour, I hope you will never forget the form inside, within the contour. It’s a rounded object. It’s a solid mass of stone or a solid mass of flesh, if it’s a living thing, it’s very important to remember contour is not an outline, not a definitive correct thing of the outline. Never forget what’s going within in it, and never forget it’s changing. It’s easier to understand if you are ever trained in a figure drawing classroom, and you look at a figure from ten different angles, and you do ten different sketches from this model. And you will see how contour changes gradually, you will appreciate all the different angles, you will appreciate to remember that it’s not a piece of paper, it’s a sculpture-like person from different angles. And a good practice is to do a small sculpture. To do a small sculpture, and you will appreciate, and you may get really puzzled, really confused about what is contour at all. For me, as I am doing this drawing, the more I do it, it becomes more abstract. Because it becomes left and right, darker and lighter, and clean and ambiguous, it becomes more and more abstract until I finish it and I jump out and look at it again, and try to tell myself you are not drawing a piece of paper, you are drawing a sculpture like figures, or models, or a group of models. It will feel different, not contour, but how the forms turn back in space. If it’s a sculpture in space, you can hug it, you can go back and hug the sculpture around it with your arms. You can go around the sculpture into the space behind it. I think that’s something more difficult to depict. Because while you are drawing, you are drawing this sculpture-like models or figures but you also want to show the spaces behind it. But how to show that? Something, somewhere, you almost feel like to ignore it, but it’s more crucial. You didn’t pay enough attention to the space behind it, but you may draw it all the same, and it’s important all the same. Because you cannot imagine a sculpture in front of a white paper, or in front of a white wall. Not in a room, in a space, it’s quite different. And it’s all the same for the drawing. Sometimes, I am confused what is drawing, and what is sculpture, and why I imagine I am drawing a sculpture-like person, why I use sculpture as a higher level of requirement for my own work. Because basically drawing is trying to depict something three-dimensional on a piece of paper, a flat piece of paper. So, it’s an illusion, and you are trying to make it real. But it’s a trick, it’s tricky. Really depends on your skill, how to use the light and shadow effect to show this visual illusion. Sometimes not visual illusion, but psychological illusion, how you feel, your imagination, some ideas surreal, not totally real. I think that’s the very interesting part of a drawing. But everything all the same, why don’t you take a photograph. It’s a lot faster, one second finished, or one minute, depends. Why you are still drawing. I think it could come back to very fundamental instinct of being a human drawing, because you like it, or because you really love drawing. If that’s what you really need to do. You will enjoy to conquer all this difficulties and have fun while trying to learn, and have fun while working hard, and have fun to have some imagination and expectation, everything when you work, see some strange or interesting thing from other people’s work, if they talks to you through their work you become very close friends in a way, even though you never see each other’s face. That’s far away from your question, the contour. You said “boundary”, it’s an interesting word. I do not think there is boundary in art world, in art. I mean, there are so many boundaries, so many rules in reality world, so many visual, invisible, printed, and unspeakable rules, and art world should be a freedom land. It’s a free land, imagination, and happiness, and freedom. And it’s OK. It’s OK to do some experiments, and to see what you want to see within the limitation of your art material. For me, it’s pencil. So, on drawing maybe some related materials, color pencil, watercolor, painting, or other materials. I think it’s totally fine as long as it’s friendly and peaceful and not harmful for anyone else and not disturbing anyone else. It’s totally OK. And today artists have so many resources from what they learn from art history, what they learn from contemporary artist friend, what they could get from the nowadays technology materials, technology computer photographs, other materials they may try to do interesting experiments in their art work. All this could become contribution to the new development of today’s art, and could become very wonderful contribution to the world’s development. We are living in a new world, and it should be different from the period before the Renaissance when everything is limited, very very limited. And for me, I try to control myself within the limitation range of drawing and pencil drawing on paper, but I give myself freedom to try to some other similar materials like for example this one, is color pencil. I want to see toned drawings, colorful drawings, but I am kind of resistible to use chalk and white charcoal because the flours and the powders, I kind of am very resistible to that. So, I use color pencil to build up the tone of the drawing, and then I use my pencil to show the shadows and spaces in the behind. I think that’s totally OK. It’s still in the beginning stage of my experiment and there is still a long way to go until it becomes very mature, very sufficient. I will write an essay about color pencil drawing or colorful drawing from my experience. I think it’s really nice and friendly to other art lovers who would like to try this material. And that would be a contribution to the art history. About contour, if you could show the feet, you can see the pink lines, right? When I started with pink color pencil, it looks super beautiful and gentle and tender. But when I put black and white pencils on it, the pink color jumps out, it surprises me. I thought it will get darker as other areas like the background, but it’s really different when it’s a single line. And it jumps out, it really surprises me. I am not sure what I am going to do about it right now but I’ll figure out a way to develop this method of drawing. I think it’s very nice and is going to be a contribution to the team of draftsman. And I would like to communicate with other draftsman who would like to try this method. And it’s OK to contact me by email. Thank you.
2018.12.21
Hao: Can you talk about drawing facial expression?
Xiong Xuan Melancholy: Facial expressions, the most interesting part of depicting a portrait or a figure, whether it’s a little child or a beautiful woman, or it’s a male figure. Facial expression actually looks superficial, right? But it is depicting what a person is thinking inside his mind, or how she feels, how she trying to convey, what she means by her eyes. Is it rage, or is it peaceful, or is gratitude, or is it warmth, or is it friendship, or is it looking forward for something. So facial expression looks superficial, but it is really related to psychological situation. And I don’t think facial expression only contains eyes, nose, mouth, the structures on the face area, but also includes the gesture of the entire figure, especially the gesture of the hands. The hands can even show something. Of course, if you want to show perfect facial expression, you need to be sufficient with fundamental training. For example, how to depict a nose, how to depict eyes or eyebrows. Is the eyebrow flat, or is it twisted a little bit. And the hair, if a person has tousled hair, what happened? Is the person mad? Is that person very angry? Or that person wakes up from sleeping. Or is that person’s hair very tamed, very calm, all parts of facial expression, even color of the hairs. If the hair is brown and golden color, very beautiful, you even may imagine a little princess. No, the little prince. Or if the hair is orange color, almost red, you may remember a crazy loving artist, Vincent Van Gogh. But when he was living, how people treated him. Most people were friendly, but some people may dislike his hair. Again, it needs a lot of practice, a lot of exercise until you could show facial expressions through all the superficial structures. Last time you asked me how to draw eyes. And I said it’s not only eyes, it’s glances. And today you asked me facial expressions. Of course, eyes are the almost most crucial part of facial expression. Some people say people’s eyes are windows to a world. Not entire world, but that person’s world. If a man is a world, how his eyes look. Only one suggestion to art friends, just work a lot, practice a lot. If you think, oh this facial expression is stiff, this didn’t show what I mean, probably you need to draw again and again and again and again, to see if it gets better. And I promise you, it will get better, and you will feel better when your drawing gets better. That’s the only way to build up self-confidence. The confidence you could tell yourself, yes, I could do it. It’s all right. I’ll do it, maybe a little bit later. But I can. That’s it.
2019.01.28
浩转述：维米尔喜欢光在珍珠上的小高光，也许他喜欢玻璃杯，有一天看到玻璃杯上的小高光觉得很好看。他的画里有许多细节，但是没有一个突出的放到眼前的细节。维米尔的画里没有小孩，很安静，画一个世俗场景里一个漂亮少女或者少妇，有点像逃离世界，创造一个自己的世界。他的小孩一定很吵。画里有男人的时候，一般这个男人和画里的女人关系都很好，所以是一种理想性的世界。维米尔绝对不画劳特雷克的跳舞的女人，或者荡秋千。他不喜欢画花，不画当时荷兰画家常画的葡萄水果什么的。他画在画面前面不一定是重要的，是让边缘模糊，消失在空气中。比较像他的画家有德加。德加有一张芭蕾舞女在舞台中央，前景是拉大提琴的人，用深棕色压低。
2019.2.11
Drawing is another world, which beyond this exciting “real” world. I used to think drawing is my freedom. I am wrong. Since drawing is not freedom either, since so many rules -> or rather technical-aspect “requirements” -> such as perspective, such as how to render the illusion of light and shadow, such as the cheating contour stepping back or urge forward… It is a world, beyond language-aspect either, even though we’re used to describe things, or describe how we feel with words all the time. Drawing is like breathing, in terms of very pure drawing process, it becomes so simple. Simple ≠ easy, or rather say, the same thing, really same. How to explain: drawing is the most difficult thing in the world! And drawing is the easiest thing to do also. But it is. It is the easiest and the most difficult thing to do in the world. I like it, because of its extreme limitation. Limited = infinite. The depth of a drawing world understand a lot more than language could dive. I’m not a good diver, not stable, at least. “Demo” only stay with briefly, and then it wants to be hidden. Honestly, can’t stand “gallery-people” at all, prefer after a work done, invite the one or two sincere friends come and spend a moment, more than anything else, with a understanding heart who can hear you, even without any verbal expressions.
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2019-3-19 master study at 50% now, working on the "Street Musicians" also. Drawing is like breathing for me, well, you touch the lights with your fingers, so gently and gradually, well, losing it at the same time, also, for me, cross-hatching is a honest way to conceive lights on what I see, it never be dramatically, nor "fast", you see what I mean? or, maybe because my personality is a lot more slower? but, the more I draw, I only see, how difficult it is to do, and it's always trying to run escape from you, but I am so lucky that I still travel along the melody within this drawing, even though it's just a copy-study so far.
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-"Door" for musicians, going on 2019-5-4, it's about one fifth right now, I am trying to convey each one's mood through these complicated but superficial details, and when there are a group of musicians playing together, it's shockingly amazing to see how their facial expression so different, and some passers-by stopped to listen and watch, why the baby is sleeping on the foreground, as if he didn't hear all the sound of this world, and I figured out that drawing is a slowed down photo, but more tender.
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2019-5-7 so merged in my own drawing, almost forgot that cross-hatching and line-drawing as well as toned-drawing has a so long history since the earlier masters, it never be seen separately, and realized that there is no contour, no "termination" --- where the "form" turns back, everywhere is so detailed existing in front of your eyes, is it right, that photo takes care of background, yet pencil's distinct is more like a running child, not knowing much what is worry, he just running, not know much, is it the happiest mood for a draftsman? since almost everything has been "said", pictorially or or by words, no,I don't think so, since I am living and breathing, also, at this moment. just draw my little "Eric" yesterday, the most beautiful portrait I ever created, wish for him happiness and peacefully his entire life. still thinking about the question about: photography and drawing, is it because I am so poor to afford a living model to work with? somehow I got so deep with the way I observe this world through my camera's lens, as well as some other people's work, especially black and white photos, teach me so much how to render volumes, someone told me that drawing should not be considered as a copy of photo or reality, it's your understanding and imagination, and i agree, absolutely, but only partially though, all the musician-pictures I am working with, show me what I am going after in my work, more and more clearly and dearly, if you could see what I mean? hopefully. found a so cute guitar-player today to share with you.
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Watching Cinema Paradiso the other night, again, I like Duoduo a lot, especially when he was little with the old man, talking, just talking, and those rolling films, what they talked, no one remember, or rather say, no one really care at all, but at ease and really listening at that moment, little Duoduo was listening at those moments with the old man, and then he grow up, like any other boy-man growing process, becomes formal and boring somehow, some still keep some of their childhood "things" with them, still have some difficulties in certain things, but not want help anyway as always did, it will work out by time, certain things will figure out a path after a little while, it will be fine. by Melancholy on 2019-5-28
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master-study after Leonardo going on 2019-6-9, it's really very important to keep learning, from observation in life, and from master-pieces, all the time, not just technique, but also the depth of drawing, sometimes could only be reached or be conveyed in a drawing way, or different drawing approaches, but so hard to make progress by telling myself, that if I keep working so someday I could make progress I expected, not always though, and no matter what you endeavor, there is no promise, not always going up, but just feel like a helpless person, running, keep running forward, even though confused sometimes, but what else to do except keep running forward? Drawing is something most difficult and beautiful thing I ever experienced, and I honor those who had made great works, and looking at them in awe.
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录音 2017年9月4日
她有一个不算大的工作室
练琴的时候，她喜欢让窗子开着
这样可以感觉到风，和恍惚的树叶
拿到那个谱子的时候，是上个月初
蛮喜欢的，就这么反复练
今天下午要去录音了
她并不紧张
因为她对自己的手还是很有把握的
她背着她的大提琴
橘色的外壳像一块亮闪闪的巧克力
街道 一如往昔
有一点嘈杂 还有一点无所谓
当她坐下来
录音师问：准备好了吗？
她点头 只说了一个 n
曲子拉得很顺利
录音师在玻璃窗外对她微笑
可是她觉得
茫茫然 若有所失
她也不知道是为什么
也不是拉得不好
但缺少第一次遇到这首曲子时候的感觉
那种惊诧和意外
在任何情况下 她的手都可以做到很专业
然而 心 不知所措
心 不是这样子的 不是你可以控制它的
她宁愿回到最初的磕磕巴巴的状态
而不要熟练 与 别人的赞叹
真的不需要
她回到自己的角落
望望窗外
时光静好
她想起
教室的阳光里的灰尘 一如昨日
他还好吗
还有那些才华横溢的同学
在那个她决定离开的瞬间
就再也没有回过头去看了
越来越多的时间把自己关在房间里 练琴
那几根弦 和 琴弓 就是她的全部
有时候也会觉得想要和人说说话
可是终究难以言喻
也很难找到一个合适的人
并不是这个世界上的人不好
你懂得的 对不对？
在生活的琐碎 和没有尊严的喘息 之间
如果还有人可以执着于心中的梦
而且能够体会到艺术中的极致
是不是太难找到？
还是自己太绝对了
音乐像一个极其渴望极其绝望的恋人的幽魂
苦苦纠缠
无可释怀
然而这样也是幸福的
毕竟你还有一个东西可以爱
尽管 它是一个无形的不可触摸不可拥抱的极其detached的东西
她没有得到多少录音费
毕竟只是单曲
她用这不多的钱
买了一个蝴蝶结发卡
和一件碎碎花的连衣裙
生活毕竟是美好的
不是吗？
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Study after Leonardo Da Vinci, the 4th time learning from him again, so appreciate what he taught me through his drawing, but I also realized that how different my own pencil, I do like his work a lot, and so many others too, but I still searching for the answer for drawing, sometimes when I am walking, it's wired, not when I am drawing, but when I am walking, I realized that drawing is not contour, not determination for lights and shadows, I used to believe that drawing is about a mood, an atmosphere around here, a little moment in it, very quiet and peaceful moment, you just keep drawing, and you almost forgot everything else, it's like, it you ever watching a little white cloud moving away slowly, just so tender, and so beautiful, I can not convey why clouds has something to do with what I feel from my drawing, sometimes they do, you never know how they connected, or maybe just something very similar, or something let you feel familiar with, at least, someone prefer linear sketch-like drawings, they emphasize form and shape and structure a lot, very important, just very very important, and then you start notice the importance of texture, I even got confused even when I made it already, because it's not like how intense the details you can run into it, or rusk, or silk, or linen, or water-surface, kind of texture, it's not like how much you can do, or not, sometimes feels like never deep enough, sometimes just so shallow, and the pencil seems like be taken away by air everyday, feel sad when somewhere got damaged accidentally, or bethink maybe one day no one treasure it, wish for be cared, will, I believe so, like some songs, be remembered by some people, far away. This is the 4th time I do this master-study after great artist Leonardo, I do not remember much how I feel when I did the previous 3 times very much, I can see my progress clearly, learning never ending, as more as I gain by learning, I lost some curiosity, sometimes almost feel like standing still in a blank-white space, so many knowledge I accumulated shaped me the way I am, but I could hear my heart telling me, keep the courage to keep going, a little fragment for the world, but the most precious understanding for myself. by Xiong Xuan Melancholy on September-23-2019.
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recently realized that their is no "edge" of drawing, I mean, there is no exact correct definition of drawing, everything is a personal perspective of understanding and their own way of conveying, and my running has no prize waiting for me at the destination, when I understand, at least when I assume I had understood, what is light and shadow, what is mood for a drawing, what is I am after ... just ... just all lost...somewhere, I thought I found the answer. by Xiong at 2019 Novemner 22.
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2019-12-16
It's not giving up, in drawing, or with family, or something care so ... not giving up, absolutely. It's hard to say what is "perfect drawing", but I guess it's absolutely not limitations every direction, it's something far away, more than I can see so far, I got lost again.... but not giving up with my pencil, I guess it would never happen, hopefully. Not limitation with music, not limitation with drawing methods, not limitation with drawing content, not the atmosphere around either, it never be, drawing can never dare to be any little further more self-creation, got to "put down" "everything", got to "forgot", got to back to the space in your heart, and run away from anyone's attention, somewhere feels like the white-covered Alps. Is it drawing? Why is it so far away while so beautiful? It's very normal and often, when my hands could control pencil well, and feel afraid of losing it.... the more fear, the more distant... it's not frustration or anxious pressure, which sometimes happen when couldn't draw as well as expected, but it's not purely skill technique either, but kind of telling myself: take a break, listen a song.
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宣雄Xiong Xuan< Melancholy> at home small-island studio, update on 2020-1-15
a documentary film made by myself Sculpture is difficult more than I thought, it's always easier to imagine, and then later on understood harder to do in real. Is drawing between imagination and visual reality? Is imagination means a design of composition? Walking on streets of Washington DC, feeling my hands very tight and tired, because of the hard-labor day with sculpture-clay, time suddenly slow down when I am not drawing, and everything I saw, especially people passing by, looks very different with music through my headphone. All women wear handsome working-suits, look very formal and professional, which scared me, not envy, not a tiny bit. Government-men wearing black suits reminds me this is a political-heavy city, not New York City 5th Avenue. Wanting to walk through super busy streets, looking at fancy, no at least different looking people, their facial expression always attract me, as if I always needed them to pose for me, but who cares? The "indifferent" distance is exactly why I feel comfortable when walking between them, even face to face totally all right. Don't like gray pigeons. Looking around in subway, everyone heading back home, as if everyone has a home to be back. Saw someone similar like someone I used to know, and at that moment, the guy turning his head, and looking into my eyes, and it reminds me someone used to do so. Like my little-flower shirt be blowing by the wind, I do not have many clothes I used to like, but I like this one with me, all the time, like some quiet stuff be with me, all the time, hopefully. Realized that I no longer miss somebody anymore, not that much any more, at least not that much anymore. Have a sweet family waiting for me back. Demo-2 is going on, at one third right now, next time I will make it smaller. It's not a release, but feel lost something heaviness in my life, when stop missing someone you cared so, it's even not a relationship, sadly remember myself never really in relationship, not even once, just some envies, some admirations, some curiosity, and some touching, moments. What is it mean, to be loved? as that singer sang so affectionately. hard to imagine, if never experienced ever.
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This is Demo (1), 3 years ago, 60 by 200 inches, pencil on paper, done independently, I see some progress I have made through constant drawing, also understood that a great drawing is beyond technique sphere, it's almost an impulsive wanting to say something, with your pencil, yet no words, obviously no words, but could be understood, for some people at least, when I have an idea in my mind, it pushes me to draw it, and I realize how exciting that is, although it happened so silently, usually happens when I am doing cross-hatching, beautiful moments with my pencil, it has a name: Pinky. basically because the color is pinkish, the first one was named Pinky, retired, after working 5 years, retired, I still keep it in my pencil-box, after that no pencil has a name anymore, and I always looking for where they are after a brief break. I do not always have impulse about drawing, but moments and moods always with me, even in those difficult days and nights, never lost what I am going after, never forget I am on my way to Alps, somewhere so bright + simple + beautiful, the beauty of a language of black and white, of light and shadow, of happiness with tears, if you ever feel it like clear water with no purpose, just existing that way, I hope at this moment you could be my friend, and could see what I mean. Sculpture let me know what is "realistic", everything is so tough, at the same time so real, no hiding, at the same time it's for the sake of my drawing, because I need to figure out a problem about lighting coming down from forehead, and then to the ribcage, and then lower part of the body, we how know it gets darker slowly as it's getting away from the light-source, but how exactly when there are 4 figures as a group, so I made this sculpture, and then draw it, slowly, so my light is not imagined anymore, but based on real vision foundation, since my fingers actually finished it myself, I shall know better, so far the sculpture just at very beginning stage, I will update once a while, sometimes have some beautiful scenes, like the plastic bag covering the face, it will be gone next time I work on it, like some fragile existing things only there briefly. I am glad that I walked outside a little bit, the wind was melt, but not chilly. Thanks for visiting my website, my life and my art both going on, fine. Thank you. Xiong Xuan (Melancholy, as my American friends used to call me) at small-island studio, 2020-1-29, Mclean.
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Sometimes I want to take a look at my previous work, even it might be a work done years ago, just a moment, looking at it again. This is Demo, 3 years ago, how fast time like shooting arrows into sky, it never comes back, some memory stay, some moods still stay. I take this piece out, lean it against the wall, to compare to my second Demo, just a lot to do, till June probably. I remembered that I used to sell 7 paintings, to pay my college-tuition-mortage, and I wish to see those paintings again, I still remember how it feels, when your work gone, not sad, not at all, just lost something somewhere never return. I am not a imitator, even when I was studying by copying masterpieces, just spend too long learning something I really love, not to figure out some problems really, not really, but so amazed in some tender details what I see. What I could see, just so limited, so little, or so much, before drawing, and then pencil could be the one to choose, to decide, and to control. It's slow, very very slow, but it's totally all right. When I could keep drawing, it's a good day. by Melancholy on 2020-2-6
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musicians-3 is going on, just remember something I used to know that nothing is more difficult than drawing, some time ago, I was doing master-study after Leonardo Da Vinci, so fascinated that I almost feel like I could do as well as him, or even better sometimes, I doubted.... deeply and widely almost stopped reading to avoid be stimulated by any sayings, sometimes even a single word can be challenging, it's wired to feel drawing is so easy, and then, it back to you to let you know so tamely that nothing is more difficult than actually doing it in real, not in mind, nor drawing with eyes, I mean by watching something or follow the shape or a line, like you observe a stranger in subway, standing there, looking at his contour, as if drawing him with a pencil. I could only tell myself: exercises will make progress, even slowly, I will make it, someday I will. 2020-3-19 Melancholy.
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When my hands feel like bread in water, I am so scared, just keep working, gradually it comes back to me. Why sometimes drawing feels like so close to me, sometimes feel like nothing is more difficult than drawing? I start realized that it exists beyond my understanding. When I finish a piece, or when I miss my old piece and put it on the wall again, I am amazed even got surprised again, how beautiful it is, if I say it's brilliant, it's not too much at all, and then I understand it differently as some time ago, I thought it only belong to me while I am actually doing it, the working process always amazing to me, and then it stay, or fading away, from my mind, but it still mine. I running after a certain way, trying to convey a certain visual narrative, and then I know, it exist beyond Leonardo's time, even though somehow similar, they are my mountains after all. It never mean the same for everyone see it, just very personal feelings, it could mean a lot for you, and then it could be so moody, and could be changed, or be forgotten, not by time, but by yourself. There is nowhere more beautiful than Mclean. If you think that you really know me, or any other artist you like, I could only tell you, it's beautiful, a beautiful moment for you, and you will find more later on, don't think you could get over and move on to the next, something just so fragile and just disappeared. Over is over, easy. I like how it feels when holding my pencil, just no burden, not need to worry about anything. Got some precious lesson while thinking, doubting, and then rethinking about something waving me, and be sure about myself. Life is beautiful, after all. Art let me be away from ... maybe myself, sometimes I feel like doing a heroic tragedy thing, glory, like flying high up over clouds. It never too realistic or practical at this atmosphere. I say it's tragedy, not literally, only means that no one need it, at all, no one expect for my pencil-work, at all. A young artist, some time later, will notice my work, but only a glance briefly, like leaf through a book, see a page occasionally, he will see Leonardo in it, see Michelangelo in it, see Degas in it, see Ingres in it, or Botticelli sometimes, or someone else he think so, even himself, if he got attracted by my drawing just by looking at it, and then just put the entire book down, and create some brilliant legendary for the human world. I always feel like, the time I conquer all difficulties in drawing, I may get bored or feel deeply lost, but I still need to keep going. Wish for quiet drawing time. He is painter among painter, it's true. so limited, but so grant, and wide, like a wild open green fields, limitless on and on, not much to do in it, just looking at the trajectory of winds. He used tell me, drawing is imagination, I just smiled, not saying anything. It's hard to tell you, if you have no pencil-case, but if you try, you can imagine flying a kite, sky so blue and far away. And then housework, reality pull you back, keep your feet on ground. It's not sad, just so appreciate families still be with me. I used to read an interesting book: art is when you trying to do something impossible. I don't know, so far still trying to do what I can, maybe it's right. 2020-3-20
This pretty painting by Jones, I like it, the same one in 6 different pose, are they the same one? I think so, the way he repeat "them" interests me, similar as variations in music, and I like the horizontal composition, tones as bush, or evening hills, what if in the morning, and the shy pinkish sun just climbing up, and the clouds looks lightly orange, will this painting in a different feeling? When I look at this piece, I no longer trying to search for who influenced him, not like when I was a college student any more, but got attracted it again, you will say, this is his own style, his own work. How can we create my own style completely without influences from others, some long time ago, some recently, sometimes you look at a piece some time ago, and it still has something to say. When I am ill, I no longer suffer from anxiety or pressure of being an artist any more, but I sink into deep fear, the fear my hands may lose the drawing ability, something nowhere could pay, neither one generous art teacher could offer, but something my own, after years practice, your certainty and promise, to your pencil, to your drawing paper, very similar as reading, if you like reading, you know how it feels like after reading for years, the quiet enjoyment and communication with the author at the moment, sometimes beyond the author, just something you want to say to yourself, in your mind, that's reading. I avoid to read something describe life too harsh, though. When someone experienced something harsh, earlier his/her life, more severe more than novel, they wouldn't read those to remind themselves those harsh time. It's normal to chase after joy, but something harsh always trying to drag you back. 2020-4-17
Painting by my former teacher Wanghongjian, about 14 years ago, respect him and appreciate him a lot, I was little, didn't have learning ability yet, but watched him working and asked so many silly questions, about art, about life, he see the beauty and value through these normal people, their daily life, their real facial expression, never pretend or acting, never fancy, but grant, but I didn't continue painting after him, I did, briefly, and then I like drawing so much more, those gorgeous cast status lured me for so long, until I calm down, back to real life to be my drawing components, not a waste of time, really not, what the use to keep drawing? sometimes I ask myself like this when really desperate, but still pick up my pencil again. He used to play piano piece "the linen girl" for me, so beautiful. Whenever I revisit him, he always have a huge painting going on. He is a humbled, ambitious and proud painter also. very wisdom, very broad forehead, I only think wisdom in it, and strength to keep going. 2020-4-17 Xiong
Musicians-3 is going on, a experiment based on color pencil, start seeing the difference between simple set and a longer composition, where the light source hit, it's always beautiful when figures going on an arch horizontally, like a still rainbow there forever, start realize when a drawing lasting longer, something missing, all the time, music could be silent and still.2020-7-1
2020-7-2 just pick up a pair of old cast-drawing, the left one was drawn from the real relief right in front of my eyes, the right one was a reflection in the mirror which looks like an arched window, the youth figures are some of the praying worship team members, going towers their temple, but when I put them together, it looks like "meet", to join, to unite to be one, I am not sure about the title yet, just the joining idea so far, it's going to be another orange piece, I always like it looks like a tender new-born sun, when the sky was very light-blue, a small shy orange sun just climbing up the mountain, I was amazed this morning, when a shot of sunshine transparent the water, and I looking through the water underneath everything so transparent and clear, seems simple and happy again.
2020-7-20 it's rare to find the content and happiness back to my drawing, something most important in drawing, I could only feel it when I am drawing alone, I changed, somehow changed by time and environment, a lot, it's not something you could pay to get, or begging to learn from any tutors can teach, just something so precious in drawing, after years work until I could understood, is it real if I could make it again if I could make 100 pieces, after so long to go?
2020-7-28 this is "Zhi Zi" 执子 last night, watched a documentary about dancers, I like them in practice in dancing studio with bright mirrors, rather than their formal performance on stage, everyone looks fresh and fast, the floor looks shining with traces of dancing, every single step moves along with piano sounds, not quite able to follow their leaders, basically dancing manager tutor how to dance, I tried myself trying to follow what they mean, not able to see why, they look happy and very engaged.
Audience-5, 40 by 60 inches, pencil on paper, 2021-3-17, I wish no talking around me while drawing, like I used to be, just simple and happy like I used to be, just like drawing so much, by myself only, artist definitely need sensibility and concentration, to be able to do something beautiful, I can feel my feeling towards my drawing, only when no one disturb me.
me, during my "Street Musicians-1", just realized how my drawing changed gradually, I used to try to see my extremity, to see how difficult how complex it could be, until some time later, still want to be simple
my cast-drawing 10 years ago, how fast time flying, maybe not always could drawing better and better and better …… sometimes still miss something some time ago, something only happen when certain time, certain cercumstances only.
我的小小说 录音 2017年9月4日
她有一个不算大的工作室练琴的时候
她喜欢让窗子开着
这样可以感觉到风，和恍惚的树叶
拿到那个谱子的时候，是上个月初
蛮喜欢的，就这么反复练
今天下午要去录音了
她并不紧张
因为她对自己的手还是很有把握的
她背着她的大提琴
橘色的外壳像一块亮闪闪的巧克力
街道 一如往昔
有一点嘈杂 还有一点无所谓
当她坐下来
录音师问：准备好了吗？
她点头 只说了一个 n
曲子拉得很顺利
录音师在玻璃窗外对她微笑
可是她觉得
茫茫然 若有所失
她也不知道是为什么
也不是拉得不好
但缺少第一次遇到这首曲子时候的感觉
那种惊诧和意外
在任何情况下 她的手都可以做到很专业
然而 心 不知所措
心 不是这样子的 不是你可以控制它的
她宁愿回到最初的磕磕巴巴的状态
而不要熟练 与 别人的赞叹
真的不需要
她回到自己的角落
望望窗外
时光静好
她想起
教室的阳光里的灰尘 一如昨日
他还好吗
还有那些才华横溢的同学
在那个她决定离开的瞬间
就再也没有回过头去看了
越来越多的时间把自己关在房间里 练琴
那几根弦 和 琴弓 就是她的全部
有时候也会觉得想要和人说说话
可是终究难以言喻
也很难找到一个合适的人
并不是这个世界上的人不好
你懂得的 对不对？
在生活的琐碎 和没有尊严的喘息 之间
如果还有人可以执着于心中的梦
而且能够体会到艺术中的极致
是不是太难找到？
还是自己太绝对了
音乐像一个极其渴望极其绝望的恋人的幽魂
苦苦纠缠
无可释怀
然而这样也是幸福的
毕竟你还有一个东西可以爱
尽管 它是一个无形的不可触摸不可拥抱的极其detached的东西
她没有得到多少录音费
毕竟只是单曲
她用这不多的钱
买了一个蝴蝶结发卡
和一件碎碎花的连衣裙
生活毕竟是美好的
不是吗？
This is my drapery-drawing literally 10 years ago, I started my style since my college time, but by that time-point I even didn't know, until I realize that it's my style, and I do like it, so just keep going, really going so slowly, learning, and learn a lot, and then just put it down, something you spend time so eagerly you could never forget about it, but it wouldn't be with you any more, when Leonardo Da Vinci's drawings even couldn't attract me anymore, I come back to myself, and I like it, I wouldn't carry anything other people imposed me anymore, it's a idea, or something I don't need, I just wouldn't anymore. -- Xiong Xuan (Melancholy) -- 2021-5-31
2021-6-13, not because Leonardo's drawing not beautiful anymore, it's me, changed, and then I look at the piece used to be so important for me again, I still can remember how it used to feel, I wouldn't say I used to study about it anymore, just got attracted, still, maybe not, not any more, I thought I had found what I was looking for, just with myself, I didn't lose it, never say someone else misleading you, it's your own, your own will telling you where you wanted to go, until a beautiful staring night, shining, beautifully, without any purpose, just there, for you, if you listen carefully, it still wouldn't talk to you, it's for visual only, yet, not always there, until you put down all kinds of moods others put to your shoulders, you will understand it's not a burden you have to carry, really wouldn't feel the weight any more. by Xiong Xuan (Melancholy) writing on 2021-6-13
me, at fish-world in Philly 2011, at that time, I was so happy, so proud, so beautiful, and I wish I still could be feeling the same, you know, when I am still so devoted with my drawing, I feel in balanced, sometimes I challenge myself the height I could stand on top of Alps, that's how I feel about my drawing, when no one talking around me, for any reason, please please stop make me feel got watched, got open-critic every day, it's serious uncomfortable + nervious+ even emberious kind of "combind" for me, I never get paid since I notice it happening to me, honestly tell you that I feel much more calmer and happy when drawing completely alone, don't think : oh, she maybe lonely right now, really not, really not, I need my own space to feel and think about art, and I couldn't concentrate my mind when else disturbing me with voice or any sounds, it's not companion for me, it's distraction for me, so if you really like my art, and you really hope Melancholy could keep doing her drawing nicely, could you please help me stop this kind of talking companions, seriously begging to stop this "program" to me, I need some time to recover myself, at least for entire summer time, I am begging to stop be forced hearing sounds so closely, so confusedly, so promising and then next second still so upset, because I am a lone artist, and I know myself clearly and colly, I need to keep drawing by myself, I do not need any applause or critic to make it better, phrasing has nothing to do with my self-confidence for my art, I look through art-history-book, and I understood something so thouroughly, so I wish to be left alone, my small apartment is my very limited reality, I have no desire to enlarge my "circle", and I never could afford any employee working for me, right now I have not ready for exhibition yet, I even couldn't pay frames for my art, have no time comunicate at some other artist's opening also, but, if you really like to talk to me, you are welcome to call me at 8147532934 or email me at xiong.xuan@gmail.com I have no idea what to do with "sounds" had been followed along with me in nice way or mean manner for so long, and I never get paid in person, I need to stop it continue towards me, if you have to know reason: I feel better only when I am drawing alone, without any disturbance, so please leave space for my private life, I thought I offered enough pleasure during all these years "art program" on me, I wish to be paid, like anyone in reality need money too, but if I just could not be paid in person, I WISH stop it, just stop it, I am begging to stop this to me, if you know how to help me rightly, please help me, I live in Virginia right now, for 5 years right here, drawing every single day, got imposed to hear talking, l look around, just no one around me, I tried different ways to help myself, and I do seriously wish stop this "program" to me, and recover my life to be natural like it used to be, so I could free myself from all these pressure burdened me, I wish back to my drawing and be happy like it used to be, I have no plan to have a exhibition for my art so far, because I understand it could means burden others, mentally and finantially, and I couldn't, and I wouldn't, still a shy person, when some exhibiters made it clear just don't like my drawing at all, I am speechlessly silent to keep my drawing for myself, and be away, that's it, it's all right, I don't have to expect be liked or be appreciated at all, for some friendly "audience" still enjoy pleasure moment from my pencil-work, I will keep my website here, and update once a while, until someday I got tire of art, or got forced to quit, for some reality reason, or got hurt again, one more time, I wish I love drawing forever, I already drawing better than Leonardo Davinci so far, I made it, but I am so calm, and I will keep drawing to see how far I could go until I am 45 years old, that's the time he made his most beautiful Saint Mary and Baby Jesus drawing, it's so large and it took a year until finish it, I will do a copy that time again, just to compare to him again, but why I have to compare with him at all? still do, when I do this recent drawing "Audience-8" with green color-pencil, I recall his painting and drawing, still so appreciate him and respect him, still so, I do love him, sincerely, when some voice whispered me that his soul with me, I just smiled, I take it as phrasing and encouragement to make more effort, I love my mum and dad too, they gave me some important quality to become a artist since girlhood, especially patience, sincerety, honesty and love for life, please don't "call up" my life at my 37th birthday, because I want to keep drawing, I want to give my entire life for my drawing, until the passion leave me, "they" had taught me a lesson, and reality completely cool me down like a frozen waterfall from top of my head, so please don't lure me anymore, in better terms to say, don't test me anymore, I am nothing, I am not anything perticulerlousy to be trained for anything else rather than a draftman, I paid some pencil and some drawing-paper with my family's help last year, I love to live as human-being, I am a blessed super talented young artiest, I still love my drawing so much, so, please stop disturb me, please stop, if you say: I keep watching you because I care and got emotional attachment to you and want to make sure you are safe, I will tell you that, just check my website and Facebook: it's Xiong Xuan Melancholy there are some videos of my artmaking I put on it, and once again, you may call me 8147532934, but I am begging you please do NOT call to sell me some advertisement stuff, please don't do that at all, for some "programers" going along these years, I could only say: thanks for having me, but I wish quit, and stop it just stop it any way so far, all of you guys had have enough memories to keep, or throw out of window, so please leave me alone, now, alone with my art, my life is not enough to offer to so many many things. Help me. thanks. Xiong Xuan ( Melancholy）writing in person on 2021-6-30 Please don't call donation for me anymore, I didn't get a penny at all. Just stop this completely. If you get bored, just search Facebook find so many gallery pages, you will find so many fantastic artists shining beautifully, so let me go, just please allow me be myself, after drawing 15 hours a day, I ONLY wish a good sleep, without any dreams, just be plain, I am not a religion person, but I know I am be blessed, by some many nice friendly people in this world, I only wish live once, just my recent life right now, please do not make is too short, or too long unnecessarily, just let me be natural and healthy, I will be well, live in my small family, just as a sweat housewife artist, I don't mind if you print my work and put it on your wall, or set it as your cellphone desk-top, I will be pleased, but please do not be loud noisy at my only home. 2021-6-31 by 雄
2021-8-13 BlueBerry-2 done l wouldn't know when it's the top for a draftman, when I look back, my drawings pills up, it's not calm any more, nor sad, I have made my mind, through a dark-gray path, it's not easy to determine going on my own way, but it's worthy, and there is always a light, in front. I love drawing, draw a lot, it's drawing makes me happy, I have found my dolphin, deep in the sea, be with me, always will.
2021-8-21 Demo-3 is going on, the idea is "absence" which means the artist had left, no one knows what it means when going away from the easel, some audience-crew still around, talking, without pay attention anymore, but the models still posing on the model-stand, art never just stop like that, it's a stone brain image from great artist Michelangelo, his beginning idea in his brain, to be made a stone person, actually it's the Virgin and the baby, something so touching by being so simple and beautiful, I am be amazed by realizing that he had so many stone-man in his brain before actually carve them with stone, by his words is to bring them out of the stone, it's a touching sincere artist so devoted to his art, I couldn't get born as a new talented boy or his time or his hometown, but my parents had given me something so precious, I love how art makes me feel, it's never realistic as bread or rent, but it's something so important for me, artists do communicate through their artworks, like Michelangelo's drawings 500 years ago recently "talking" to me, if you remember at his time no camera yet, just his observation on streets and stone-like brain images there being ready to be selected as his stone-carvings, I really like him saying: get the person out of the stone, did they have spiritually talking? artists sometimes very innocent and naive, how many ideas passing by like stary stary night, shining and rushing towards somewhere far away, is somewhere far away more beautiful, and more romantic? I visit a new mother + son today, be touched by their loving happy family scene. by Melancholy in person, everything I published on my website is real, personally, if you do like my handwriting, I will be pleased. by Xiong Xuan Melancholy 2021-8-21
This is Demo-2, 2 years ago, black and white version, pencil on paper, it's a imagination of my career, it's what I used to think a career looks like, like all my drawing teachers careers, teaching students in a classroom, but I changed my mind, I just think about teaching situation calmly and realized that I wouldn't be happy this way, I had been at the age of 26, 27, when a masterpiece should be done by that age, that's the impression from great masters long long ago, because I used to believe that's the most brilliant age a artwork should be created, right now I am 36, I think it's the best age of being a artist right now, not have much difficulties in drawing skills anymore, and had accumulated some art experience through out all these years practicing, and being independent from any earlier teachers, I had walked out of anyone's influences, and being myself, of being a independent artist standing here, this Demo-2 is my imagination 2 years ago, and right now just show it in orange version, I see the limitation of this medium, pencil, and color pencil, on paper, I reached the end of the limitation of this tool, and air as well as time damaging it as it going on, but honestly I love it, I still love drawing so much, even though it's so limited, you build up something slowly and watch it growing, become more and more established, I am challenging myself, to see how well done I could do with my pencil, for me, it's like the pure whiteness of Alps, somewhere so simple and so beautiful, and peaceful also, I LOVE drawing, I wish keep my promise to myself, that is to keep drawing every single day, keep drawing my entire life, until last moment of my life, just like great artist Michelangelo still sculpting in his 80s, I still admire and hyper respect him, but his drawing is imagined, he did observe from real models, but his light and shadows more like imagined, not totally from observation, so beautiful, but couldn't convince me completely, that's my current situation also, I am trying to show a certain visual effect with my pencil, but it's imagined, rather than has a real group of people in front of my eyes, what a pity, when I am alive and desire for making effort, but I could not pay for my models, I admit that I learn so much from photographs, as well as classical paintings, as well as Rambrant's etchifngs, I am still learning, and still aim at the ALPS, please leave me alone with my drawing, so please don't put social responsibility to me right now, students, and younger generation have their own fate, whoever they meet and tutor their earlier lessons, let it be, it wouldn't have to be perfect, I started from a local artist when I was about 10 years old, didn't learn much, just around the man for a couple of years, right now when I recall my first childhood teacher, just thank him gave me a start, friendly, I will teach students when I am ready, they need hearing a lot, not just do mastercopy, that's why I push it behind right now, because I need to put time to my own artpiece, I love drawing, please understand me and let me keep drawing, really thankful to your support. Melancholy 2021-10-26
update today is 2021-11-29, I am in drawing process of Demo-4, which is a orange version of Demo-2, pictures as well as details in the file of "Pencilwork", right now this piece is 2 months, it still need about half a year to be finished, it's cross-hatching technique very much like etching, build up light and shadow effect gradually, because there is no contour, every edge you see is part of the rounded overall shape, there is no touching point, eyes got artracted by certain detail, which looks like where it start, but actually it's part of overall shape, more like part of sculpture, it's rounded, so where it start? or where it's over? I like to think, lights hit on object gradually, like you sink a sculpture into water, the clay start melting, and water become blurry, the atmosphere sinking down and look darker. by Melancholy Xiong Xuan.
Today is 2-18, Hao told me an idea from a book about time, named 4000 weeks, he said, if you have an ambitious project to expect, don't finish within once, do gradually everyday, be patient and do nicely, until it will be done nicely, I like this idea, it was said a entire life is about 4000 weeks, time going on like a stream, on and on and on, do what I love with my lifetime, still trying to find answer to a question: what is the extreme top level of drawing? with pencil only, or mixed media, I love to feel doing drawing gradually, build up light and shadows gradually, as the model I see be touched by light gently and gradually, I would love to think Leonardo's drawing looks like a statue sinking deeper in the water, light gets glummy and darker as it sinking deeper, it's the beautiful tone overall, entirely, without losing the beauty of details, what if people didn't disturb the drawing-process, it will be very finished, I love his drawing, and hyper respect his work, but that's not what I am looking for, because his work is within his consideration in mind, not always directly observed from nature, what I see from nature teach me to be humble, to looking at nature patiently, and I learn a lot, recently I am too poor to afford models, so I work with black and white photos, and it teach me to be humble, can drawing really reach higher lever beyound photos? Yes, it could, I could make it, but it takes some time to practice hard, I love drawing so much, it is the happiness in my life, so, if you like my drawing, please let me draw quietly, and nicely, I am not a coward, just think about 50% of lifetime has passed, I should treasure time, it's ok to email me, if you want to have interaction with me: xiong.xuan@gmail.com or call me 8147532934, this is for today, I do not always have something to say, but when I really have something to say, I enjoyed hand writing like this, thanks. by Melancholy Xiong Xuan on 2022-2-18
2022-2-28 I am listening Van Gogh audible book, he struggled a lot, especially at the beginning of his art path, I see his eager in his earlier drawings, after years study I know how to render forms to be rounded, to show the turning edge with gray area, but I notice his urge, he doing his sketches in a hurry, he want to show everything he see in the small picture, his strokes are straight lines, with pen and pencil, while I work with pencil slowly and gradually, he is lack skills of getting along with people around him, so am I, while I am trying to manage my little boat, on this uneaven sea, when I see the painting materials at Blick, I am pleased to see those tubes of paints, I didn't forget I used to love it, maybe I still can try it, after fixing my unfinished drawings next year, I may pick it up and feel it again, it was something I loved after all. Melancholy
This was last time I drew her in Demo-2, it is interesting that each time I draw her differently, her eyes looks helpless and then you can see, when a person living in harsh situation for too long, she get used to it, and no longer expect help anymore, let it be is the no option to choose or change it.
2020/10/25 雄雄说，你就是我的树皮，有你保护我，没有你的话就有虫子蛀到树里。
2020/10/26 雄雄说，被抱着很舒服。我说，每天都过生日多好啊
2020/10/27 雄雄说，我和你的区别是你懂三角函数我不懂。
2020/10/31
雄雄说，你是一个非常好相处的人，我非常幸运。你总是可以可以从我的角度考虑问题。
2020/11/7 雄雄说，你非常喜欢听夸奖。
2020/11/10 我说，我只能在雄雄面前才能喵喵叫
2020/11/14 妈妈寄的毛衣到了，可是有点小，雄雄说颜色很漂亮，等以后瘦下来再穿
2020/11/21 雄雄说，你是不是已经习惯照顾我了，你可以做一个caregiver.
2020/12/2 雄雄说，你对我真好，你对我最大的好就是你让我画画。
2020/12/3 雄雄说，Educated里说的抓力好像是做腌菜，然后时间久了味道在它里面。
2020/12/7 雄雄说，猫哲学的第一点就是想睡多久就睡多久
2020/12/17 雄雄说，你是我在这个世界上最亲的人
2020/12/20 雄雄说，你穿PSU很好看，糊撸你觉得很美好。
2020/12/20
雄雄说，我现在不羡慕在MOMA做展览的那个女艺术家了(Marina Abramovic)，她是个fancy artist，有了个人展览又怎样。
2020/12/31 雄雄说，徒手画的感觉特别好，我不喜欢打格子画。
2021/1/15 雄雄说，因为没有人亲我所以我就撕嘴唇的皮
2021/1/16 雄雄说，我以前脾气很差，你好像把我改造了。
2021/1/26 雄雄说，我整你的时候好像特别开心。
2021/1/27
雄雄说，我选你的时候是因为你特别善良特别关心我所以就选你了，从来没有体会过有人买饭有人关心的感觉。
2021/2/12 雄雄说，我们一起跳墩墩舞
2021/2/21 雄雄说，我喜欢你照顾我。
2021/2/28 雄雄说，我给你起一个名字，洪抱抱。
2021/3/10 雄雄说，有个人老喜欢亲亲抱抱，可烦人了
2021/3/28 雄雄问我，橡皮是不是香蕉做的，我说，香蕉是香蕉，橡胶是橡胶
2021/4/7 雄雄给我买了Mario赛车。雄雄说，看你玩的时候像变成了六岁小朋友
2021/7/5 雄雄说，我要每天都很开心很漂亮才可以啊
2021/7/17 雄雄说，当你画得越来越好的时候，快乐就变少了。
2021/7/20 雄雄说，我画的这个头发像一块很急的云彩。
2021/7/21 雄雄说，每次画了一幅好的画，就像下雨落在瓦当上，很平常的感觉。
2021/7/25 雄雄说，我想要把它画的饱满，很温柔，但是又沉甸甸的感觉
2021/7/27 雄雄说，我好像一个蜡烛，你是守护着让这蜡烛不灭的人。
2021/8/2
雄雄说，我是一个避世的人，但是我不是一个悲观的人。世界上的事情不能让我感兴趣，但画画会让我开心。是一种自己内心的追求，不需要别人的认同。我现在真的觉得你是提奥，但是我比梵高坚强。你知道我为什么重复这种画法吗，因为我想做到无形，就像骑自行车不用握车把也可以走。当你说你要帮我去买纸的时候，我觉得你是真正爱我的。
2021/8/4
雄雄说，洗尽铅华，皈依我心。不去奢望世界对我的认可，我就不会失望，不会受别人打搅。我说的话只有你像捡贝壳一样捡起来。
2021/8/5 雄雄说，用橡皮提亮和自己画出来是不一样的，自己画出来甚至有感情。
2021/8/17
雄雄说，我想起十五六岁时候在公交车站画速写，每张画都特别认真，也没有人在意我，特别开心。
2021/8/24 雄雄说，the journey is the reward, 这句话说的真好
2021/8/29 我和雄雄重看了戴珍珠耳环的少女，雄雄第一次看的时候说，“嫉妒的时候就不漂亮了“。
2021/9/22 雄雄说，我觉得我起稿子有进步欸，觉得与人物更贴近。
2021/9/27 雄雄说，我放弃名利心之后心情轻松了很多。
2021/9/30 雄雄说，面包的香味像一个蜥蜴一样大摇大摆地爬过来了。
2021/10/2
今天看到很多肆无忌惮又开心的人。好像从来没有被欺负过，没有人教训他们好好学习。
2021/10/14
画一幅画就好像养一个孩子，不同的时候有不同的可爱，长大了就没有原来的日子。没有办法让这张画保留在最开始的状态。
2021/11/30
我的画好像山谷里的一棵野百合，那么安静。我的画好像我是一个农夫，有一颗苹果树，有很多绿的苹果，每一个都很不起眼，但是看上去还是很高兴
2021/12/8 我画的这个小孩有帝王气。
2021/12/17 我觉得我的画像一个柔弱的蜘蛛网，上面挂了很多水珠，一不小心水珠就掉了。
2021/12/21 我画的cross hatching有点像织布机，横过来又竖过来。
2022/1/18 我希望我的画像青灰色的石头，朴实无华，溪水流过还留在水底。
2022/3/6 雄雄说，你又开始瞎leilei
2022/3/9
我在祈祷回到小时候画画的状态，特别纯洁，不追求画画之外的东西，达到素描的最高境界。素描不是用语言表达的。
I realized that I had made some progress over these a couple of years, this is my fabric study 5 years ago, the time I put it down, I thought it's over, and now I could see something further more to keep going, not just darken the background, but also the details of drapery itself, especially light gray atmosphere, drawing is never end, it takes some time to understand, but it takes more time to be able to express through light and shadow. 2022-4-4
The book I am listening is describing Van Gogh as depressed and lonely, but I see his passion and super exciting about his painting, like the week he was prepare for another artist's arrival, he painted sunflower almost every single day, happy is not necessary laughing, it could be very calm and very engaged with what you are doing, for example, I need my loneliness and concentration to my pencil, so that I could feel and thinking as a artist, as a independent lone artist, it is crucial for me. 2022-4-15
Demo-6, 60 by 240 inches, pencil on paper, so far it still looks very light, I like this piece so far, I had been listening an audible book about Vincent Van Gogh, after struggling for so long, he finally got shot on his belly area, dying on bed suffering for so long, finally died, I do not feel sad about it, nor get mad about people's in difference, not mad why no body help him by paying his works, if he could understand that his art most importantly is about how he feels himself, he would be happier, don't blame why no one come close, because everyone is busy make a living themselves, rushing fast, no one have attention more than their own circle, after expecting and then disappointed, I become very calm, but still couldn't let it go, it's the kern of my life, how could I let it go？I t's my life, the aim I am climbing a mountain, it's tough, so far still with my control, it's going to be gentle lightly till the end. 2022-6-22
I am going to do a group of compositional study, after great master Rambrandt, learning never sufficient, the more I draw, the more I feels like it's getting deeper, as if I am diving in the sea, Rambrandt's etching as well as his ink-drawing very expressive, including all little curves of details vividly show how he look at the world, while my cross-hatching is more straight, I try to keep it even, like a looming-machine, so far my large drawing is going on well, how precious when there are some areas pure snow-mountainly white, the contrast between brightness and darkness really structured l like Bach, like architecture, something, when it arrive a higher level, it's the same, compositional study after Rambrandt going to be 200 pages, I will try my best, wishing for some progress through master copies, sometimes I will do a etching after a painting, if the figure interested me, why not? it's easy to say light and shadow, doing well is something different, I wish for lonelyness isolation, so that I could be engaged with my work, very serious attitude, because it's about time, every minute passed by, gone, I feel like I am walking alone on a unpaved road, some wild bushes around, looks vividly green, I have determined to keep drawing my entire life, please do not stop me any more, let me draw, it's just a small studio for a lone artist, I would like to keep myself simple and happy, I LOVE the pool, I wish I could go swimming every day, by Melancholy 2022-7-24
I imagine people playing music for me. I feel like walking on a road, really long. I have to work alone, so that I could concentrate my pencil. At least I still have a home and my families, at least I don't have to work as a miner, at least I still can handle my eyes and hands, though my heart got wounded, time will heal me, still feel exciting about drawing, my dream still so shining and bright, I learn treasure and calmly keep working day after day, at least I still feel my drawing intimately. 2022-10-10
Unlike dancing and singing, drawing seems ok to be alone, it's ok to keep my drawing to myself, until I am ready, I will keep myself working without worry about this world, so many things interesting but if it takes drawing time, I will put it down, the time I used up all my papers, I should feel content and satisfied, hopefully keep the mood going on. I need my isolation and loneliness absolutely need it, only because I need space for myself to feel, to think, to create personally, so I am begging to be left alone, please. 2020-10-18 Melancholy
I look at this little kid, my heart melt, what dream does he have? what he want to be when he grew up? He evoke me back to my art, back to the original and simple liking for drawing. 2023-1-9 Melancholy
我在做基本功训练，要画满100张Audience-series，就像西藏人跪拜祈祷一样，一步又一步地往前走，仿佛他们在用自己的身体丈量那长长的永远也走不完的路。宣雄2023-1-12
The little kid， he doesn‘t know where he was born， does not have a good school to learn, maybe his parents are illiterate, all these unfair since born were unknown for him, I even envy him got born in a Tibat family, not knowing, therefore not paining, he even looks like a little proud general, I love him and couldnt stop sympathy to him, I remember what I already had, my drawing material waiting for me, I should be happy about it. 2023-1-28 Melancholy
This easel and doll drawing is my first drawing I drew in the United States, it was 12 years ago, I am happy to see my old drawing again, that's because I have emotion to my drawings, I am doing cross-hatching technique right now, it's my technique since I was a student, I like it, I like to build up light and shadow puzzle a little bit by a little bit, to bring out the main theme gradually out of darkness, just as the Bible said, hope gets out of desperation, out of darkness there is a light, I like it, and I should be happy every day, because I am young, and I am doing what I love to do, my drawing made some progress these years passed by, drawing is my daily life, and I try to be tough to myself to drawing until falling asleep, I used to think I am blessed, right now I just simply very much apprechiate what I HAVE everyday life, and my family loves me and taking care of me gently, so I am so lucky, so I should be happy every day, and try my best to draw everyday, as if I am the little Tibat kid, no one notice this little kid love drawing and I enjoy my freedom like I am diving in the sea like a dolphin, some day I am going to make my dream real, let's keep the light in our mind. by Xiong Xuan Melancholy 2023-2-1
I am doing a study after Raphael, I notice his drawing “the school of Athens" is imagined, he imagined, and then conveyed nicely, figure shape looks very strong, but i realize that the balance between light and shadow, should based on direct observation to real people, or at least looking at realistic photos, to observe directly from the nature is the best teacher ever, i still respect Raphael being so sweet and so dreamy, but i couldn't stop telling myself back to eyes believing eyes directly. by Xiong Xuan Melancholy. 2023-3-7
I am drawing, not aiming to be salable, but just for myself only, some people criticize my drawings too big, I just want to make it grand, I am trying to say that drawing is a independent genre, not as preparation for paintings, drawing itself could be great, alone. by Melancholy on March-10
i am a bird, i got to keep flying, i fly very slow, but i will get my destination, some day, i will make my exhibition, beautifully, if you watch me art making all the way, you will feel making effort with me, until you see it with me, you are a bird for me, you promised to return, and you finally come back to me, but tomorrow you must fly, keep yourself to your drawing, don't get lured, so you wouldn't get captured, when i see a wild snow-geese got kept in a cage at a farm cell, i feel so sad about it, but there is nothing i can do about it, i could only tell myself, keep drawing, at the same time, keep music, because mozart can leading me to feel high up in the wind, and be away from people's gossip talking, my mum just got a cancer, and i ask myself, if you got cancer, what you wish for to do, with the rest time of your life? i said i wish for drawing, i wish for someday to make a beautiful show, right now i am accumulating artwork to be prepared from my part, i need quite loneliness for my drawing, i am begging to be left alone, so that i could feel my drawing, ideas happen when no one disturb me from my work, because i need to control my pencil, by being alone, i will be appreciative. i am a bird, please don't stop me flying, that's all the meaning. 2023-4-21
i am happy, i like my drawings, and i like my technique going on gradually, i am getting better, please let me draw quietly, by myself, to feel like flying. i start noticing the connection and similarities between drawing and painting, i mean the Renaissance period of time, i am still so much attracted by retreating contour, when it's blurry, partially, it's stepping back into space, you can feel the distance from what you see, as well as your fingers, a rounded chin is all the secrets, it's right on my daily lessons, i have a beautiful printing of Leonardo Davinci in my bathroom, by looking at it once a while, once a while, it always looks new to me, because every time suddenly see it, i notice something detailed, it's like recover a movie back to be silent pictures, as i glanced a movie during drawing going on, the sense of space, as well as the sense of atmosphere, is crucial and so tender, so serene. by Melancholy, 2023-5-2
I am listening an audible book about vincent vangogh, it took so long until he pick up pencil, why he got attracted by religious so much? as well as attracted by his father and then wanted to become his father? why he got so obsessed by literature? why he got so much delayed? i think about it, and then think about myself, i started early, if childhood counts, it should be 30 years old learning, so far, but the way i grew up just very normal schools, teachers i met in my life were some nice people, but very normal, but they offered help to me friendly, and i have the same urge vincent had, but i do not draw hurry, i do gradually and carefully and slowly, since pencil could be passionately, i must practice controlling it, i am doing better now, i know my pencil could be infected even by breathing, or even by a dream, i love drawing, but i am still learning, i know i haven't reached my top yet, not yet, so far i still see space, and i have a perfect pencil, and patience too, i got so much frustration by those whisper talkings that i got upset, i should have courage again, and start working again, my drawing is so beautiful and so creative, i should have confidence again, yes, let me start again, and have hope again, someday i will make a great exhibition of my own, with some of my favorite drawings, i will, i promise, just as i promised to my pencil that i will continue drawing my entire life, so i will. 2023-5-12
I am a horse, a silent horse, with silent eyes, i was just running through the green fields, now i am taking a breath, i like wind blowing my face when i was running, i like to be carefree and burdenfree, nothing heavy on my back, no collar around my neck, i like pine trees running backward as i am moving forward, everything so fast, disappeared, on the horizon, sky is blue, with some clouds blossoming, but i like it when it's gloomy and raining, because when it's raining, i am listening, i love listening raindrops falling, no melody, no dramatic music, no loud sounds, just rain, when my eyes get moisture, i couldn't see clearly anymore, but i like it, because i am still feeling, feeling the world, feeling the nature, i couldn't remember my childhood anymore, it's something so far far away, a blurry warm memory about mom, i still remember her black hair falling down as she licking my forehead, oh mom, where are you now? we got lost during running, in a hurry, we lost each other, and never again, something once got lost, just never again....... by Melancholy Xiong Xuan on 2023-5-26 at her small-island studio
The fame is my drawing, my drawing only. The trophy is my given drawing time, which I dearly treasure it. I have understood that drawing is for myself. I used to make a polar bear etching, and folding paper birds, and give it to dear Josh, I wish he still remember it, I wonder if he still keep the printing I gave him. I met a very friendly lady at gym, I was looking for the upstair pool, and she accomplished me where is it, so friendly, so nice, she is in her fifties, looks like a Renaissance woman, so I invited her come to my studio and pose for me, she said yes and came, I like her being so nice to me, we talk about my art, I told her that I am doing a master-copy after Raphael "The School of Athens" , it has been a couple of months on it, I have been doing the background, shadows on the ground, and the basic shadings, right now I am working on details, I compare his drawing, and the same named painting, surprising how the two related, it make me feel very serene, I wish when people looking at my work, they could feel like a serene lake, peacefully, we talked about my husband too, we met in front of the school library at Tsing Hua University, he studied at Penn State, and then find this job in Virginia Tysons, I really and truly appreciate what he offering to me, he loves me, cares me, and let me do what I like, and I feel happy with my drawing, especially right now, I am playing Ghibli Childhood music, very gentle and very beautiful, life taught me to treasure every single day, and appreciate every day, I wish I could finish this large drawing by end of August, and then I will take 3 weeks off, because I will fly back to China to accomplish my ill mother for a little while, she got cancer, it didn't get worse, got controlled, but her hair fall, a lot of hair falling, I feel sad when I see her ill face, her sudden illness remind me that they may gone, someday, I will no longer have them anymore, I ask my mother sing the little baby sleeping song to me, and she did, so gently and so warmly, I feel still be a child to her arms, I am in my thirties right now, still young and still have a dream about art, I wish someday I could be well prepared for my solo show at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City, a grand show like Michelangelo used to have, because I am a great artist, I know I am a great artist, growing up so normally, just started from a little village in suburb of Beijing, growing up with normal education system, I still remember all my earlier teachers, they used to tutor me nicely, I still remember drawing a bike during middle school time, I was obsessed with art since little, right now I have realized that drawing is my reality life, and my trophy is my every day drawing time, which my husband blessed me, I appreciate him being so responsible and doing his job excellently, so that I don't have to take a part-time job to support myself, I love drawing so much, everyday seems so fast, I have been learning an audible book with Vincent Van Gogh, I play the audible book while working, so my mind follow the book, it becomes more and more familiar to me, my husband HH has translated the entire book for me, I like it, we talk sometimes during translating, I sometimes made myself laugh, sometimes it is so funny to hear what I say, someday I will put it on Amazon, maybe, may some day my dream could become true, or not, but I have promised my pencil to keep drawing my entire life, as long as I still have some drawing papers, I should keep going, my pencil named Pinky by the way, it's a pink mechanical pencil, very simple, but very fine pencil, I love it, and appreciate to people who made it, I am doing well, don't worry about me, I do appreciate to some truly friendly people who taking care of me, thank you. by Melancholy Xiong Xuan 宣雄 on JUNE 8 2023
Sometimes I think about Rembrandt when I am drawing, I love his self-portraits, I do not know whether Fame and Fortune is a good thing for a living artist, I love his self-portraits even more than his Night-Watch, it's more deep and more personalized, I can see through his eyes, I can feel how he feels, his work talked to me, and moved me, of course everybody need chance and money, since it is a so realistic reality world, everything takes money to pay, I used to do a master copy after his painting and a drawing with pen, I feel great when I was following the great master's footstep, it's glory shining in the darkness, I need money for my art-materials as well as models, I long to work with models, rather than just working with photos, I did go to museums to take photo of people, when they are looking at artworks, I like them when they got attracted by those paintings on the wall, at least it's personal decision what I chose, it's going to be Prayer and Audience series after this master-copy after Raphael, there is no absolutely right forms, when I start a drawing just with line-drawings, just quick sketch as very start, I feel passion and happy when starting a piece, and then gradually build up light and shadow illusions, I like to keep some contours blurry, rather then keep it sharp, if you look at an arm an hand in front of your eyes, all outline is very clear, very firm, but if you drawing it clearly, it looks like a papercut, couldn't show forms turns into shadows, and disappear in distance, while if you looking at the blurry contour closely, it looks blurry, but if you step back and take a look at it from a distance, it looks firm, that's tricky, and very interesting, I don't know how lang this drawing still need, I determine to finish it the best I can, even though it may takes a couple more months maybe. by Melancholy Xiong Xuan on June-15 2023
Imagine there is a dream, imagine I could make my dream since childhood, which is to become a great artist when growing up, imagine I could always working on my drawings, energetically and passionately. I visit my parents for a month, the day I came back home, they were waiting for me, they do not understand drawings, but they paid for my study at schools, I feel sad when I couldn't draw in my small-island-studio, I draw on the wall at home, I could feel that my parents still love me, but I also realize that I am no longer a child anymore, my studio here is my home, when I am away from it, I feel like a lost dog just lost home, I am doing this drawing after a famous painting, named Barge Haulers on the Volga, I realize there are some difficulties when I translating a drawing from this painting, people in the painting are exposed in bright sunshine, their shadows are really dark, and there is no subtle light and shadow gradation, there is no bright white like a cast-drawing from statues, I am trying to do a black and white drawing based on what I understood this painting, imagine those models posing in my studio, yesterday I was happy with some piano music on youtube, I like Jacob's studio, some original melodies, I like it because it's original and emotional, and not very long, and then I happened met Mozart's composition, it's great, composition of those tunes it's like winds in the woods, coming back and forth, leafing through those leaves, towards my face, i feel content and happy. by Melancholy Xiong Xuan 2023-11-20
This little boy touched me deeply, every time I saw him, I remind myself what I had had, yet he had nothing, this little poor one, I used to draw him, how difficult to make it looks like him exactly, he remind me don't go after fame, it's a rainbow somewhere far away, I want to keep drawing all the time, like Michelangelo did, he lived 89 years old, 3 days before dying he was still working, I want to be like that, just remember the little kid all the time. by Melancholy Xiong Xuan 2023-11-24
It's ok to learn from other artists and copy their works, you could only observe every single detail when copying it, and appreciate more. I am standing at the point where another new stage right about to begin, my next decade will be heavily carrying on every day drawing, 就好像我就要当知青一个decade， 心里的期望，美好的愿望，好像棉花糖一样的云朵，轻轻地漂浮着，是一组观看的人，他们被眼前的画吸引，我被他们吸引，他们是观众，也是我关注的对象，在没有模特的情况下，这些照片里的人便是我最好的老师，要把素描基本功好好夯实一下，是啊，一番番冬秋春夏，你尝尝酸甜苦辣，敢问路在何方，路在脚下，就在此时此地，就在现在这个moment, 可以画画是世界上最幸福的事。宣雄by Melancholy 2023-12-13